David Stern: Please Bring Back the Short Shorts

Randy BrokebackContributor IJune 9, 2009

23 Feb 2001:  John Stockton #12 of the Utah Jazz moves with the ball during the game against the Seattle SuperSonics at the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington.  The Jazz defeated SuperSonics 96-84.   NOTE TO USER: It is expressly understood that the only rights Allsport are offering to license in this Photograph are one-time, non-exclusive editorial rights. No advertising or commercial uses of any kind may be made of Allsport photos. User acknowledges that it is aware that Allsport is an editorial sports agency and that NO RELEASES OF ANY TYPE ARE OBTAINED from the subjects contained in the photographs.Mandatory Credit: Otto Greule Jr  /Allsport

We all know the NBA reached its height of popularity during the 1980s. During that decade, we had one of the greatest rivalries of all time between the Celtics and Lakers. On an individual level, we also had one of the greatest rivalries of all time between Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. 

Furthermore, the 1980s also saw the emergence of arguably the greatest player of all time in Michael Jordan, who led a host of other legendary players, such as John Stockton, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, David Robinson, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, Dominique Wilkins, and Clyde Drexler, among others.

Despite all this and much more, however, the NBA was popular for one overarching reason: the short shorts.

What warm-blooded American male (or woman, I suppose) could resist tuning in every week to see their favorite NBA player squeezed in all the right places?

Today's NBA shorts leave far too much to the imagination!

With the NBA suffering along with the rest of the economy, wouldn't it make sound business sense to bring back the short shorts? 

Who wouldn't pay extra to get a better view of the Black Mamba? Personally, I'd gladly pay double for the asking price of any ticket to see Dwight Howard run up and down the court in a boy's size eight pair of shorts! Who am I kidding? I'd pay triple the asking price, allow myself to be hog-tied and spanked, and still have a smile on my face.

Who's with me?