I do not smoke weed. I don't villainize or cast aspersions on those who do, either.
Like its legal cousin alcohol, you can use marijuana maturely or you can abuse it like a bag-hole and wind up passed out at Arby's. This much is up to you.*
With that said, the following are moments when marijuana stepped onto the grand athletic stage and hilarity, stupidity or toxic levels of awkwardness ensued.
Click on for Great Weed Moments in Sports—it'd be a lot cooler if you did.
*I, nor Bleacher Report, condone the illegal use or possession of marijuana, Mary Jane, devil's lettuce and/or "that Indo."
If you're on Twitter and not following Davone Bess, you should begin following Davone Bess.
The Cleveland Browns wideout isn't endlessly witty, but he does tweet whatever the damn well he pleases. On the same day, he might send out charity info, "Free Boosie" literature and a picture of a weed sack cold-chilling next to a sweaty glass of booze.
Yep, Bess tweeted out an image of what appeared to be a bag of weed resting next to a "cigar," a lighter, a glass and a Five Hour Energy. The tweet was captioned "We da real dons!" and the documentary Cocaine Cowboys was playing on a TV in the background.
While indirect in nature, Peyton Manning has had a prolific impact on the head culture of Denver, Colorado.
The Broncos quarterback is up to his soldered vertebrae in Papa John's endorsements and made his biggest move with the pizza company (and the legalization movement) shortly after leaving Indianapolis for Denver in 2012.
A mere two weeks after the state legislature passed a bill allowing the legal sale of recreational marijuana, Manning purchased 21 Papa Johns stores in the Denver area. Manning's success on the playing field coupled with a state-wide increase in the demand for anything covered in cheese turned his business venture into a mutually beneficial (and ridiculously profitable) situation.
Smoke your doobies, Denver (you know Manning calls marijuana "doobies") and leave the cooking to Papa Peyton.
How to put this gently...let's see: Kellen Winslow was arrested last November after police caught him with some synthetic marijuana in a Target parking lot in East Hanover, New Jersey.
While seemingly a standard drug offense, awkward details of the situation emerged in a police report cited by NJ.com's Dom Cosentino (h/t Deadspin's Tom Ley) that was later released by the department.
According to the report, a female witness interviewed by the police claimed she parked next to Winslow, looked over and saw the tight end sitting in his Escalade with his genitals fully exposed and standing at attention.
To be clear, we're celebrating the stoned stupidity of Winslow on this afternoon. I, nor Bleacher Report, condone this type of behavior in public.
They did not smoke marijuana. They merely inhaled it by the cloud in a secondhand manner.
In what I'll call an "inverted Clinton" scenario, Boomer Esiason and Matt Millen managed to get a contact high while calling a Monday Night Football game in December 2000.
Somewhere in America, a younger Joe Buck was presumably punching a bloody hole in his living room floor and telling God to extinguish all the "forbidden lotus" from the Earth.
[Sniff] He just wanted their delicious, nugget-y ice...
Moments before being busted for marijuana possession last November, Dwayne Bowe had an important question to ask his arresting officer: Is Sonic still open?
Bowe was initially pulled over for speeding, but things took a turn when the Kansas City wideout rolled his window down and a bucket of pot smell poured out into the officer's face. The subsequent search found 16.8 grams of marijuana inside his vehicle and Bowe was arrested.
In an ironic twist, Papa John's in the Kansas City area decided to discontinue their "Dwayne Bowe Special" after the event, meaning Kansans are no longer able to purchase a large five-topping pizza, breadsticks and two-liter of Pepsi for the low, low price of $15.
Indeed, Papa giveth, and Papa taketh away.
Ross Rebagliati just wanted some contact, brah.
The Canadian snowboarder managed to blaze (get it!) a path to a gold medal at the 1998 Winter Olympic Games, but had his victory stripped from him after testing positive for Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC).
Rebagliati eventually had his gold returned on the grounds that marijuana wasn't a banned substance and maintains to this day that he was only high from secondary contact to the drug.
This is no longer the case for Rebagliati, who now smokes on the reg and aspires to become the owner of the largest medical marijuana dispensary in Canada.
By the way, check out that flower behind him. Looks like good stuff.
Ricky Williams' smoking career often overshadows his running career, but that's a 5,000 word Grantland article for another day.
Today remains locked on the former NFL running back/Heisman Trophy winner and his penchant for the devil's cobb salad—a substance he likens to a secret weapon.
Indeed, in a 2013 interview Williams was asked whether his marijuana use kept him from reaching his full potential as running back. His response?
"I don't agree that it was an Achilles Heel," Williams said. "I kind of think it was more like spinach for Popeye."
In 2011, Marcus Camby was pulled over for driving around Houston, Texas in a black Porsche with a sunscreen set up in the front window of the car.
The arresting officer said he noticed the scent of marijuana in the car and a search produced "marijuana cigarettes" and a "baggie" of weed.
The Portland Trail Blazers center and the other man in his car both denied the weed was theirs. They presumably also denied it was night out.
Baylor football players Willie Jefferson and Josh Gordon just wanted some Cheesy Gordita Crunches, but couldn't be bothered to stay awake long enough to receive their reward.
The two men were found passed out in a Taco Bell drive thru lane in Waco, Texas in 2010 with a bag of marijuana sitting in their center console.
Jefferson and Gordon were both arrested and released on bond. They practiced the next day, and as some of you might know, Gordon caught 87 balls for nine touchdowns and 1,600 yards with the Cleveland Browns over the course of the 2013-14 NFL season.
Remember when the No. 5 Michigan Wolverines lost to Appalachian State in their home opener at the Big House in 2007?
Sure you do, you probably bricked a dinette set watching Appalachian take that blocked kick back to the house. I did.
What you might not have known is that half of the Wolverines on the field at any given time were high as Georgia pine trees, to steal a line from Dock Ellis.
That's the story according to one "former Michigan player," who admitted in a 2012 interview that "over half" of Michigan's starting defense and "several key offensive starters" got high right before the game started in order to "see how bad we can beat [Appalachian State] up if we are stoned."
Dramatic timpani music! Slow zooms! More timpani!
This is video of a picture of Michael Phelps smoking a bong in 2009, and it's deliciously sarcastic in tone.
Phelps was "caught" (read: seen) smoking out of a "marijuana pipe" at a University of South Carolina party. A photo was taken and distributed throughout the universe.
Thus the children of the world were exposed to the grim truth of life: You can smoke weed on occasion and still be a peerless, gold medal-winning millionaire.
Let's indulge in the worst drug ever: social media.