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Phillies-Dodgers: What Do You Get When You Cross a Dollar Dog With...

NEW YORK - MAY 24:  Cole Hamels #35 of the Philadelphia Phillies pitches against the New York Yankees on May 24, 2009 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York City.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
Flattish PoeCorrespondent IJune 5, 2009

I bleed red.

 

I think that’s the silliest way to proclaim your devotion to the Phils.

 

But my loyalty goes deeper. Not only do I bleed Phillie red, mine’s pinstriped—like a candy cane. And when it pools on the floor it forms a “P” and smells like “dollar dog night.”

 

But when it comes to a 10 p.m. game after a seven-course French dinner party, my Phillie blood pooled in my belly and pooped me out. Then this morning, I couldn’t watch the game until I pooped.

 

Sorry, maybe that was too much information. 

 

All these parties are really hard on me having no life. Don’t people understand? My eye candy was pitching last night.

 

Since I got home late and forgot to set my TiVo to record the start of the game, I asked it to tape the encore at 1:30 in the morning. Personally, I don’t see how the pain of missing the 10 p.m. game is lessened by the knowledge that you won’t be able to see it at 1:30 either. But that’s just me.

 

To make matters worse, the encore started late too. But that’s okay. Cole Hamels was getting out batters in sequence for most of the night so the first few innings were full of boring, monotonous, AMAZING PITCHING!

 

Of course, great outings by the likes of Antonio Bastardo and JA Happ will make you pad your bra like you’re meeting your husband’s ex.

 

So how does the 2008 World Series MVP top the Happ-y hurler’s seven scoreless innings and fourth straight win? That’s easy: a complete game shutout.

 

Best of all, the debate over the pitch count didn’t even apply. At 97 pitches, count doesn’t matter, and apparently from the numbers in the stats, size doesn’t either.

 

It was Cole’s third career shutout, fourth consecutive win, and his fifth career complete game. Those might be small numbers for such a great performance but I’ve had a great time with small things before.  

 

Sorry, was I thinking out loud?

 

It put the Phils up four games in the NL East and extended their winning streak to seven. No one enjoys seeing the Phils streak more than me—even if it’s only in my pinstriped dreams.

 

How about Eric Bruntlett? He hops off the bench and takes his spot with such seriousness you’d think he’d seen a ghost. I bet that’s it. He sees dead people. We have to lighten him up. Maybe he needs a nickname—like E-Bru or E-Bra. Yeah, I’ll bet he’d appreciate that. Might as well just name him “panties.” I’ll have to think on this.

 

So, just when the Phillies thought they’d run plumb out of pitching options, they’re bleeding wins. And did you hear? Little Kyle Drabek threw seven shutout innings in his first AA win with a fastball that topped out at 97 miles an hour.

 

I might have more experience with small stuff, but that’s pretty impressive.

 

Maybe size does matter.

 

Go Phils!

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