Athletes often do a lot of really smart things. Like say things like this when they are faced with questions they don't really want to answer. That's legit.
Athletes also often do a lot of really not-so-smart things. Like get arrested. Not so legit.
What makes this group especially reprehensible is the fact that all of these arrests seem to have been borne out of a brief lapse in judgment. It's like these guys had their brains turned off for the five minutes or so it took them to complete these "crimes," then came to and were like, "…Oops."
And yes, you can get arrested for dancing in public. Just FYI.
Offense: Receiving a package filled with illegal drugs at home
In 2011, Jerome Simpson was indicted on a felony charge of marijuana trafficking after authorities discovered he had a package containing 2.5 pounds of marijuana shipped to his home address.
During their investigation, authorities found that Simpson also had "packaging materials, scales and smoking devices" in his home, as well as six more pounds of weed.
At the time, Simpson was not arrested (hence the dishonorable mention), but after being indicted, he was sentenced to 15 days in jail and three years of probation.
Offense: Pulled a fire alarm
Why would you ever do this? Don't you learn in second grade to never do this?
In the summer of 2012, Dion Lewis and his brother were hanging out at a Hampton Inn in Albany, N.Y. Apparently, the two of them locked themselves out, couldn't get back in and decided that their only possible course of action was to go ahead and pull the fire alarm.
I mean, it's a creative way to get the hotel employees' attention. But felonies related to reckless endangerment are never a good idea.
Offense: Barking at a police dog
Generally, you have to wonder about anyone who walks around barking at anything, never mind a dog. You really have to wonder about someone who thinks it's a good idea to bark at a police dog.
This summer, Antonio Morrison of the Florida Gators was accused of approaching a patrol car and "barking at a K-9 named Bear." When the officer in Bear's company then attempted to arrest Morrison, he resisted arrest. Which definitely made the situation better.
The best part: Morrison was charged with "harassing an on-duty animal." Because that's a thing.
Offense: Playing music too loud
During the NFL lockout in 2011, suddenly jobless players found countless ways to pass the time. Jason Peters resorted to rocking out. Cool, right?
The Eagles tackle was arrested in Shreveport, La., in March 2011 on a count of "loud music and disturbing the peace."
When someone tells you the music's too loud, just turn it down, dude. Rocking out quietly is always better than getting arrested. That's a fact.
Offense: Dancing in the street
It's just like Martha and the Vandellas sang! "Summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the street!"
Apparently, however, March is not the right time for dancing in the street. At least, if you're Dhani Jones and you're in South Beach.
The then-Eagles linebacker was arrested in March 2006 and charged with "failure to obey a lawful command" because he was told to cease dancing outside of a club and he just couldn't stop the groove.
Offense: Saggy pants
When you show up for an event only to realize that you are not properly attired, it's a huge bummer. But when you show up, you're not properly attired and there's something you can do on the spot to make yourself properly attired, why wouldn't you just do it?
Cedric Griffin was arrested in April 2007 on charges of disorderly conduct because he had a fight with the bouncers at Spin over the dress code.
According to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, the Vikings corner was wearing jeans that were too low and he wouldn't leave the club, even after he was asked nicely.
Offense: Walking out on a $27 tab
You're not allowed to go to a restaurant and then not pay for whatever you consume. That's a rule.
Why Raheem Brock was unaware of this is unclear.
The former Seahawks defensive end skipped out on his $27 tab at Copacabana in August 2011, and then he resisted arrest when he got busted.
Offense: Climbing through a drive-thru
Most of the time, people are pretty happy with what they receive at the Taco Bell drive-thru window. But when you forget to put the chalupa in someone's order…God help you.
In November 1999, Jayhawks defensive end Dion Rayford got stuck when he tried to force his 270-pound frame through a Taco Bell drive-thru window in a fit of rage over the missing chalupa.
The window, which "couldn't support Rayford," broke. The employees who were on the job at the time locked themselves in an office.
And now, I present to you the most wonderful sentence in the history of CNNSI.com:
"Rayford, 24, allegedly became angry about 2 a.m. Wednesday when he didn't get the chalupa."
Offense: Stealing beers from a deli
You were a professional athlete, Mike Vrabel. Something tells me you're not so hard up for cash that you need to be stealing beers from a deli.
In April 2011, the then-Chiefs linebacker was taken into custody at a casino in Indiana on a Class D felony charge after "taking bottles of alcohol from a deli," according to ESPN.
Vrabel was released rather promptly after posting a $600 bond, which ostensibly would have covered the cost of the beers in the first place. He then told Pro Football Talk that the whole thing was a "misunderstanding."
Offense: Stealing computers from a middle school
Now that he's a World Series champion and (maybe) a top-of-the-rotation pitcher, it's almost hard to remember that Clay Buchholz was once the guy who pilfered computers from a middle school. Almost.
Granted, it was a long time ago. In 2004, the Red Sox hurler was a student at McNeese State University, and he decided to steal some computers, then turn them around and re-sell them to his own school. It didn't quite work out, though, and he was dismissed from McNeese.
No matter, though. The Red Sox still drafted Buchholz in the supplemental first round of the 2005 draft. Buchholz has stayed far away from trouble and now look: both parties have rings. All is calm.
Offense: Swimming in a city canal
NFL players have many different ways of celebrating the treasured bye week during the long, grueling season. There is one way, however, that a player most definitely should not celebrate: by taking a drunken swim in an off-limits canal.
In October 2010, Colts punter Pat McAfee was technically arrested for public intoxication. Why did he get busted, though? For taking a "pre-dawn swim in a city canal," according to ESPN.com.
McAfee was approached by officers in the Broad Ripple neighborhood of Indianapolis, and when authorities asked him why he was soaking wet, he told them, "I am drunk."
Points for honesty, though.
Offense: Carrying illegal fireworks
Yes, we all know that Gilbert Arenas has struggled to abide by the law at times. There was that infamous time he brought his gun to work and then played around with it in the locker room.
But then, there was that other time in June 2013, when he was pulled over for speeding in L.A. and cops discovered he had a whopping 100 pounds of fireworks in the bed of his truck, according to TMZ.
Rule No. 1: Don't carry around 100 pounds of illegal fireworks. Rule No. 2: If you fail to abide by Rule No. 1, don't leave your 100 pounds of fireworks in plain sight in the bed of a truck.
Offense: Carrying an illegal weapon
There are plenty of reasons why it was a bad idea for Plaxico Burress to enter a Manhattan nightclub with a gun.
Probably the most important reason is that you're not allowed to walk around with a gun in your waistband without a permit. Another reason: It's dangerous: A third reason: If you're wearing sweatpants, there is a strong likelihood that the gun could slip out of your waistband.
The former Giants receiver accidentally shot himself in the leg with an illegal firearm in November 2008. That night, he was taken to the hospital and treated. Later, when authorities figured out what had happened, he was arrested and sentenced to two years in prison.
Offense: Punching a cab driver
There are signs in pretty much all modes of public transportation that lay out the ground rules for what happens if you assault the driver. Despite those ground rules, though, Patrick Kane still decided to punch his cab driver over 20 cents in 2009, according to ESPN.com.
The two-time Stanley Cup champ was arrested in Buffalo, N.Y., because he allegedly accosted the driver when he failed to produce 20 cents in change, then took back the $15 he had originally paid for the cab fare.
Kane and his cousin were charged with felony robbery and "misdemeanor counts of theft of services and criminal mischief," according to ESPN.com.
Offense: Having weed shipped to his dog
Not only did Chris Perez have weed shipped to his home address, like Jerome Simpson—he had the package addressed to his dog. Because that wouldn't raise eyebrows or anything.
The Indians closer was arrested in June and charged with fourth-degree misdemeanor possession after he had a package of pot mailed to "Brody Baum," the family dog. (According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Brody is the dog's name, and Baum is Perez's wife's maiden name.)
The Plain Dealer also reports that the Rocky River post office indicated to authorities that it found two packages that smelled like pot. Police then searched Perez's house and found two packages, sent from L.A., which contained more than nine ounces of weed in Ziploc bags. Perez and his wife were both taken into custody.