A Fan's Disgruntled Look At Some Annoyances in Sport

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A Fan's Disgruntled Look At Some Annoyances in Sport
(Photo by Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)

I’m sick of this. 

“This” encompasses many things, but none more so that the athlete who gives “The Point”.

“The Point” occurs after many things. Home runs, touchdowns, a big team win, a tennis win etc. The athlete looks to the sky, raises one or both arms, and then gives the big G-O-D a point.

barry-bonds-homerun-record

Give me a friggin’ break.  You expect me to believe your “pious” nature has gotten you dingers? Nope. To all you morons who feel the need to do this, let me help you out.

God has much better things to do that fix it so you can pad your friggin’ stats. Get over yourselves and your public displays of Goldly expression. Barry Bonds did this after almost every dinger, and did it more and more emphatically as he hit more homers. And we all know how good of a person Barry Bonds is. I’m sure God loved it when he broke past Aaron.

If God is a sports fan, which he/she most likely is (because why not?) then God wants to be a fan like the rest of us and sit back, relax and be surprised. After a long day of having to try to manage an entire afterlife kingdom the is supposed to exist, keep Lucifer and his homeboys from creeping on the Pearly Gates, answering prayers from the sick and dying here on earth and taking endless confessions, God probably wants to crack a cold one and chill. God does not want a preening athlete to score at His will.

It ruins a perfectly good accomplishment. The truly humble and appreciative will get out of sight and thank God with their heads down just like it says in the Good Book!

And what’s worse is the ensuing commercial break where I have to watch an infomercial for cock pills.

OK, note to all you ding dings who think these work. It’s a farce. If you’re not happy with what’s dangling betwixt your legs, then get surgery. These pills are not going to make your schlong bigger. ExtenZe? Really, that's the name?  Wow.

I know you’re probably jacked up about the Uber-point you just saw when LaDanian Tomlinson scored that touchdown, and now you’re getting a little bit of a chubby going on. But save your money for things that will influence your cock positively, like beer! Beer is advertised even more heavily than cock pills. And with beer, everyone looks better to the good ol’ Johnson!

Sports are being tainted by fake Christians and cock pills. An unlikely duo that has teamed up to make the experience of watching sports as bad as the refereeing in the NBA playoffs. The ultimate occurs when you get the “I have a family to feed” speech when the athlete “only” makes $10 million a year.

Why not feed your family cock pills?

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