A Running Diary of Game Six: Orlando Has Too Much Magic For Cleveland

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A Running Diary of Game Six: Orlando Has Too Much Magic For Cleveland
(Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

So throughout the game last night, I did a running diary. Of course, I did this with the intention it was going to be a good game until the end. Little did I know it would indeed only be good for the first half. But here it is...Game Six: Running Diary of LeBron vs the Magic!


8:13—The TNT Tip-Off Show is already ripping on Chuck early. The Magic mascot brought two boxes of Krispie Kreme's to the set. Kenny opens the first one with no glazed donuts and Chuck denies vigorously. Chuck says, "Dem aint real donuts if dey aint glazed." Kenny pushes the envelope and opens the second one and to the secret delight of Barkley, they are all glazed. It's going to be a great night.

8:22—Kenny Smith says he called Scottie Pippen to ask him if he liked guarding the best guy on the floor or guarding a weaker guy, so he could roam and help out. Scottie said guard the best player so you can shut down a main option. Mike Brown....TURN ON TNT IN THE LOCKER ROOM!!!

8:23—The over/under for LeBron/Kobe MVPuppets commercials tonight...two and a half. The newest one is by far the funniest. "LeBron, you got over 20 triple doubles!...Can I haaaave one?"

8:27—Stan Van Gundy: "It's our time! It's our time! It's our time! You guys deserved this!" Got a newsflash for you SVG; Cleveland has a guy named LeBron James...nuff' said.

8:28—HAHAHA...TNT cuts to a shot of Tiger Woods and his trainer Hank Haley. Haley also trains Charles Barkley. So Chuck says, "Tiger Woods and me got 14 majors between the two of us!" Amount of Tiger's majors won: 14. (Game hasn't even started yet and we have 5 notes. Oh boy).

8:37—Reggie's key's to the game just went up on the screen. Do you really think he comes up with them? I used to like Reggie. Now...not so much.

8:38—Referees for tonight's contest: Bennet Salvatore and Steve Javie. Wow David Stern, you must really need the Cavs to make the finals, huh?

8:42—Dwight Howard gets more stupid fouls than Lindsay Lohan has run-ins with the law.

8:50—TNT just showed this graphic:  48.2, 8.6, 8.3. Those are Lebron's averages for this series in case you were wondering. Are we sure he was conceived by humans?

9:00—It sounds simple but if Orlando is making three-pointers like this the whole game, you may want to start buying your Orlando Eastern Conference Champs hats.

9:03—What does Wally Szczerbiak do well? Your response would be: Shoot three-pointers. He just air balled a three. How is he an NBA Player?

9:06—End of the first quarter. Nothing really stood out, except for the fact that Dwight Howard only has one foul. Orlando and Cleveland are both hitting shots left and right. And we have our first MVPuppet commercial. MVPPuppet count: one

9:13—Orlando has Rashard Lewis at power forward (the four) and Hedo Turkoglu at small forward (the three). So Mike Brown goes with a Gibson, M. Williams, D. West back court? Ladies and gentlemen: Your 2009 Coach of the Year Mike Brown. Unbelievable.

9:16—Pretty sure Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Marcin Gortat are brothers from another mother.

9:23—The Cavs offensive playbook is absolutely horrendous.  Reason No. 37 why Mike Brown is the worst coach in the NBA: Their offense consists of two plays. First, there's the iso-LeBron and this horrible play where LeBron hands off to Mo Will, runs off a pointless screen, only to pass back to the exact spot the play started, and LeBron or Ilgauskas goes one-on-one. How come I'm the only one writing about how bad Mike Brown is? It's so evident.

9:30—Cavs have no answer for Rashard Lewis. Correction: Mike Brown refuses to have an answer because it's too obvious to put the best player on the planet on him. God forbid. Hey Mike, maybe you could make an adjustment for once...just once baby come on.

9:45—At halftime, we have Cleveland 40, Orlando 58. During Dwight Howard's interview at halftime, you can just tell they want it more; it all stems from their head coach. SVG motivates his guys and never settles for anything less.  Even though they were up 18, Dwight said they need to play better. Most underrated coach in the league: SVG. 

10:04—Cavs start the second half on an 8-0 run.  Come on LeBron, don't get my hopes up like this! Please be a good game, please be a good game.

10:14—Someone lit a fire under Mo William's butt. His team may still be down 14 but he's actually playing with confidence in the second half. By the way, can anyone tell me what Dwight Howard's dunk percentage is vs. his free throw percentage?  FOUL HIM ALREADY...HACK-A-HOWARD!

10:30—End of the third quarter—Cavs are done. Sorry for the minor delay, I just spent the last 20 minutes arguing with my boy Ski about LeBron and Kobe. This is another argument for another article. Too much for today.

10:36—21-point lead for the Magic. This is a despicable coaching performance/overall team performance from the Cavs. LeBron is absolutely wiped out. Can't go one-on-one for seven games and expect to win the series. I'm just in a terrible mood now. Game is off the TV, Oceans Thirteen anyone?


Just some of my final thoughts on the series/game; Orlando made 12 threes and will continue to live-and-die by them. Cleveland shot (gulp) 11 for 22 from the free throw line. 11 for 22! That's just discipline, which their coach does not instill in them.

I've been saying for weeks now that the only team Cleveland could possibly stumble upon was the Magic. Cleveland could beat every other team in a seven-game series, but Orlando is just a horrible matchup for them.

It's going to be a long offseason for the Cavs. I posted this on twitter last night:

"Cavs need to go out and sign Artest and Ariza because they will have the cap room. Then, you have a swing rotation of LeBron, Artest, Ariza, and D. West. Then, your best player doesn't have to guard the two best players on the other team because Artest and Ariza will.  No wait that makes too much sense for Mike Brown."

Can I just get a GM job somewhere?  How do I apply?

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