The Gaytors of Our Lives: A Tongue-in-Tebow's-Cheek Look into the Future

Paul StankowskiCorrespondent IMay 31, 2009

MIAMI - JANUARY 08:  Head coach Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow #15 of the Florida Gators celebrate after their 24-14 win against the Oklahoma Sooners during the FedEx BCS National Championship game at Dolphin Stadium on January 8, 2009 in Miami, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)

Remember Ron Zook!

After winning every game by more than 20 points, the Bowling Green University Falcons and Coach Dave Clawson, the former Offensive Coordinator for the University of Tennessee Volunteers, go 13-0 in 2009 and win the 2010 BCS National Championship game over the Florida Gators as the first non Big-Six Conference Team to win the BCS Championship.

Congress appeals on behalf of the Bowling Green Falcons after Utah was kept out of the BCS Title Game in 2009 with a 12-0 record.

Charlie Weis and Notre Dame lay a fat 6-6 record (which is way too close to being satanic) AND the TD Jesus administration learns that he NEVER had any recruiting violations. They ask him, “Why not? Could you not have called Urban Meyer and asked him how to commit a few?”

To which Weis (did you know that he was the second frog in the Bud-Weis-Er ad from 1994? Seriously!) replies, “I never thought about that.”

He is given his golden slip, and told to go hang out with Lou Holtz, pretty much the same thing as Purgatory, the only difference being that the stranded souls in Purgatory don't talk with golf balls in their mouths.

So the next day, Urban Meyer is hired as the new Head Coach at Notre Dame. He is more than pleased to pull a Calipari after Florida is sued for unspecified civil damages by the Tebow family. Seems Tim "He Blows" Teblow really didn't like some of the locker room banter and lack of affirmative rear slapping!

The Gators hire Bowling Green coach Dave Clawson as head coach after realizing what an offensive mastermind he really is! Phil Fulmer is named as offensive coordinator and buffet supervisor at Florida after agreeing to work for French fries and free parking.

The teams arrive undefeated for the annual grudge match between the Vols and the Gators. Much is made of the coaching ties of the Florida staff to Tennessee. Lane Kiffin yawns.

The Tennessee Vols finally beat The Gators in the first match-up of the Clawson-led Gators versus his old team. Final score Vols 69 – Gators 6.

Fulmer is fired for not “workin’ like heck” hard enough and gross meal plan misconduct. They also strip Fulmer of his office at the Stokely Athletic Center in Knoxville, and require him to pay them the $6 million buyout that he got from Tennessee. Lane Kiffin and the Vols party all night at John Adams' house.

Tim Teblows, watching the game at home in his Jorts after being cut from the Saskatchewan Roughriders (I know, how appropriate, right?) of the CFL, thinks of all the good times he had with "Uncie Urbie" and sighs...Teblows finally gets the nerve and calls Urban Meyer and apologizes for being so very, very wrong about his true feelings for him.

They talk all night. They cry. They Wear Teebows ( – check it out!).

Uncie Urbie hires Teblows to be his Personal Assistant and Notre Dame practice snapper. Tim loves the role reversal. Notre Dame could care less because they win nine games and beat Ron Zook and his Illinois Fightin’ Illini in the 2011 Fruit Bowl (formerly the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl), a new bowl started by the Committee to Re-elect Larry Craig, the former congressman from Idaho.

Urbie and Teblows accept the Golden Shoe Under the Stall Trophy from Ex-Congressman Craig on the 50 yard line in San Diego and live happily ever after in South Bend over there.

And we thank you, Ron Zook...