(Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)
Welcome to the brand new Wembley Stadium for the 2009 edition of the FA Cup. This one promises to be an interesting affair with two teams trying to grab the last piece of silverware.
Everton and Chelsea, one team having gone above expectations and one team below. Lets get down to the pitch.
Well it's a bright, bright sun shiny day here in London. Hopefully the heat doesn't affect the play too much. Now it's over to a bunch of black people in white suits (and one white guy trying to fit in) to sing Abide with Me ably led by the Right Reverend Ian Wright.
The players come out to a thunderous reception.
They line up and are introduced to former Head Banana of the UN, Kofi Annan. He and his hangers on shake hands with all the players and then retire to a some deck chairs near the sideline. Mr Annan orders a Pina Colada.
The game is ready for the kick off.
1st min - Everton kick off and are on the attack. A cross comes from the left and is not dealt with by Mikel. Louis Saha latches onto the ball and slams it past keeper Cech. It is 1-0 to Everton after 25 seconds. Kofi Annan coughs up most of his Pina Colada.
4th min - Bosingwa passes back to Cech. Cech only just gets to it. He gives Bosingwa a dirty look.
8th min - Malouda runs onto a long ball down the left but is ankle tapped by Hibbert. Referee Webb races over to produce the first yellow card of the match. Kofi Annan notes this incident down for possible further sanctions from the UN.
10th min - Malouda is starting to terrorise Hibbert who is getting scared. Mr Annan never backed down from terrorists. He is ashamed of Hibbert.
14th min - Drogba plays a ball back for Essien who scuffs the shot. Drogba tells him to get back to midfield and leave scoring to the professionals.
15th min - Tim Howard has words with defender Joleon Lescott. Lescott tells Howard to stop speaking American and start speaking English. Howard pushes him away in disgust.
16th min - Fellaini almost gets onto a long ball from Pienaar but his hair gets in his eyes and he misses it. Pienaar gives Fellaini the number of the guy who did his braids.
21st min - Lampard plays a wide ball for Malouda who crosses it into the middle of the box. The ball is met by Didier Drogba who heads it home. It's 1-1! Drogba wandered into the box unseen and was able to get a free header. Mr Annan gets another free Pina Colada.
23rd min - Lampard has a lash from outside and just puts it over the crossbar. Howard smiles and says "Relax, I had it covered."
26th min - Essien tries his best Jackie Chan impersonation and takes down Fellaini in a scissor tackle and then claims he got the ball. David Moyes is having an embolism as Referee Webb decides not to produce a card of any colour. Mr Annan contacts a mediator to sort out Moyes and Webb's differences.
30th min - Malouda continues to give Hibbert nightmares down the left. He cuts inside but has his shot blocked. Hibbert has found out that the Boogeyman really does exist and his name is Florent Malouda.
38th min - Chelsea have owned the ball so much that the FA are considering charging them £49.99 for it.
41st min - Hibbert is robbed by Malouda and Cole. The police are called. They are still investigating some leads but they are hopeful of making an arrest shortly.
43rd min - Drogba is on the ground in pain. It must be because of the cheating UEFA referees. Let's kick referee cheating out of football!
44th min - A Fellaini deflection releases Ashley Cole but he misses his shot. You would think after 44 minutes that Fellaini would have worked out what way they were going.
45th min - After Osman is fouled the free kick is sent to the back post where Petr Cech succeeds in fumbling the ball behind him over the goal line. Maybe that can be the new tactic for Everton. Kick it to Cech and let him fumble it into the goal.
The half time whistle is blown and the score is 1-1. Chelsea have dominated possession whilst Everton has dominated the non-possession stats. A very even contest. Kofi Annan is starting to get a little sleepy and orders a Red Bull with his next Pina Colada.
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