The First Rule Of Chuck Norris Is: You Do Not Talk About Chuck Norris

Ingrid Hernandez-MonroyCorrespondent IMay 30, 2009

Alright, I haven't written an article in a while, so I thought I'd share a laugh with you guys rather than spend the time writing a book review.  (Stay tuned for something like that in the future, though.) 

I got these from a poster in my kitchen, but feel free to add your own Chuck Norris factoids below.



1. The First Rule of Chuck Norris is: You Do Not Talk About Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

3. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

4. Chuck Norris did in fact build Rome in a day.

5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity -- twice.

6. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

7. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

8. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch.  HE decides what time it is.

9. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

11. Chuck Norris uses a nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

12. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

13. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the Earth down.

14. If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear it?  Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.  Chuck Norris can hear everything.

15. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully-loaded gun and won.

16. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor.  Never slap Chuck Norris.

17. There is no such thing as global warming.  Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.

18. Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness, and possibly foot-sized bruises on the face.

19. How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?  All of it.

20. When you're Chuck Norris, anything plus anything is equal to one.  One roundhouse kick to the face.

21. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth, then boils the water with his own rage.

22. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair.  It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

23. If by some incredible space-time paradox Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win.  Period.

24. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.

25. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris.  But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

26. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

27. There are no such things as tornadoes.  Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

28. Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

29. Chuck Norris got his driver's license at the age of 15.  Seconds.

30. Chuck Norris is not only a noun but a verb.

31. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons; it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn't even come close.

32. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

33. Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

34. Chuck Norris is the only man who has literally beaten the odds. With his fists.

35. Chuck Norris can kick through all six degrees of separation, hitting anyone anywhere - in the face - at any time.

36. Chuck Norris can in fact "raise the roof."  And he can do it with one hand.

37. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - except for the definition of mercy.

38. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all three at the same time.

39. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

40. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole punch.

41. Chuck Norris does not sleep.  He waits.

42. The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

43. Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.

44. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life - unless it gets in his way.

45. America is not a democracy, but a Chucktatorship.

46. Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.

47. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

48. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.

49. Chuck Norris can taste lies.

50. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


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