"Dude, you have to watch this video..."
We know, bro. We heard about (insert video here), and we'll get to it as soon as we're done watching this other video we "have to watch."
Content goes viral by the minute on this nonstop merry-go-round we call the Internet, and weeding out the awesome from the lame is an important skill if you ever hope to have any free time whatsoever. In this spirit, I've gone ahead and compiled the 20 best viral sports videos from 2013.
These are some of the best of the sports videos that exploded across the Internet over the past year, along with virulence ratings depicting the swiftness with which they spread from human to human.
Note: There are no viral commercials in this slideshow. That's a whole other beast.
Just when you thought Ron Burgundy quotes couldn't get any more tired and obvious, sportscaster Paul Gerke came along and gave the shtick the shot of life it so badly needed.
The Idaho sportscaster dressed up for KIVI-Boise's annual Halloween newscast as the iconic fake anchorman and delivered a dramatic, spot-on Burgundy report on the happenings in local sports.
Not once did he break character, and he actually managed to pick up steam as the broadcast developed. Naturally, the video hit the Internet like a six-ton bunker buster, penetrating social media networks and demolishing users' funny bones.
Virulence Level: Contagious as a yawn
Stepping outside the realm of trick shot videos could've been a letdown for Dude Perfect.
Their shtick had always been throwing balls and high-fiving, and this attempt at pure comedy could've fallen flat. That is far from how things panned out, however.
The Dudes stuck the landing with "Stereotypes: Pickup Basketball," a video crucifying the Mr. Excuses and shoulder-lowering running backs of pickup basketball. To date, the video has racked up more than six million YouTube views, primarily due to the fact that it's so damn true.
Virulence Level: "Thriller cat"
Video of Nate Robinson crossing up strangers at the airport was one of the most unexpected and satisfying perks of being alive in 2013.
Virulence Level: Pointless Jennifer Aniston rumors
Bubba Watson continued his reign as the most entertaining man in the sport of golf this spring, when he dropped a video of himself cruising through water hazards in a hovercraft golf cart.
As with any occasion involving hovercrafts invading bodies of water, the video was passed around like a geek in a mosh pit. Soon after the video's release, seemingly everyone wanted a hovercraft, and I wouldn't be surprised to see Rickie Fowler playing "Bumper Hover" in one of these bad boys next year.
Virulence Level: Bed Intruders
The Timberwolves didn't start the Harlem Shake—they ended it.
Responding to a tired but popular viral video of LeBron James and the Miami Heat doing the Harlem Shake, Crunch the Wolf decided to bring closure to the dance craze via a Wiffle ball bat.
That's right, Crunch. We've had just about enough of this one.
Virulence Level: The most talented Russian bear
New Zealand high school rugby player Ruslan Casey had Internet users around the globe rubbing their ribs, grateful to not be the one on the wrong end of this spine-shifting hit the young man laid on an unfortunate opponent in June.
While the impact was something to behold, the most impressive aspect might be how Ruslan's victim reacted to the hit. Kip Fawcett, the player who took the shot, hopped up immediately and was seemingly unfazed.
New Zealanders, everyone.
Virulence Level: Corgi twerk video
And1 streetballer Grayson "The Professor" Boucher began what would become a series of Spider-Man-themed street ball exhibitions this summer when he headed out to a random park in full Spidey costume.
The Professor challenged random guys to unscripted games of one-on-one, leaving it completely to his skills and improvisation to create magic.
As you can see, he didn't need actors or a preplanned routine to style on his opponents.
Virulence Level: "Dayum, Dayum, DAYUM..."
Gum, chewing tobacco, sunflower seeds—you name it.
If it was in a player's mouth when this South Korean rhythmic gymnast launched this first pitch, it probably hit the ground. The young woman lined up and launched an insane, torso-flipping pitch to home plate, and no one in attendance could believe what they had just witnessed.
It wasn't just acrobatic, either. The pitch was on point.
Virulence Level: CrossFit
Warning: Video contains strong NSFW language.
A Knicks fan named "Billy" went on a rant for the ages after his team lost by 41 points to the Boston Celtics this December.
Billy reacted to the blowout by weaving a tapestry of expletives that would make his mama blush. He threw his hat, shirt and only pair of shoes into the snow.
"They ain't got no (bleeping) heart," Billy roared. And he's probably right.
Virulence Level: Pug in the club
They probably should've burned the mound after this one.
Pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen gave her first pitch at Tropicana Field the good ol' celebrity try, but she somehow managed to throw the ball almost directly into the ground.
As with all things embarrassing and cringe-worthy caught on camera, the video burned through the Internet like a brush fire. It was a lot like Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory's first pitch in 2007—only slightly better.
Virulence Level: What was that candy pop song that spread over the world like locusts in 2012?
The roundest mound of rebound since Charles Barkley ripped across the world of sports with his patented dance move in 2013.
TerRio (it's two R's, people) became an overnight Internet sensation after a Vine video of him dropping that "Oooh kill 'em" surfaced on the Internet. The dance began as a way for him to celebrate buckets on his driveway hoop, and within months, college and professional athletes around the world were mimicking it.
To give you a sense of how big TerRio is now (no pun intended), the six-year-old has begun touring the nation and telling kids to stay in school.
Virulence Level: Child sneezing into your mouth
Every year, the OSU marching band manages to deliver high-quality routines on a ginormous scale.
That being said, the 2013 college football season featured some of their most memorable performances in recent memory. The band paid homage to Jurassic Park by making a T-Rex walk and even gave a hat tip to J.R.R. Tolkien by forming a giant eye of Sauron.
Their crowning performance, however, was an intricate and flawless Michael Jackson tribute where they made the late King of Pop moonwalk down the field in Columbus.
Virulence Level: Kitten Mittens
Titus Ashby can count his age on one hand, but he's still a difficult matchup for Kobe Bryant.
The toddler from Kansas exploded onto the sports and pop culture radar in 2013 after his parents put together a trick shot compilation video of his advanced basketball shooting skills. Before long, the video was racking up YouTube views by the millions, and Titus has since made appearances on television shows such as Jimmy Kimmel Live!
He's the only kid his age to challenge the Black Mamba to a shooting competition and walk away with a draw.
Virulence Level: Getting down on Friday
Meet Kelly McGarry. He is a crazy, brave human being.
The professional mountain biker proved how completely insane he was this year by pulling off a soaring backflip over a deadly 72-foot canyon gap at the Red Bull Rampage 2013.
He recorded his entire ride down the canyon on a GoPro camera, and the footage alone is enough to give you an adrenaline rush.
Virulence Level: Van Damme truck split
I'll never forget the first time I saw you, Shirtless Clemson Guy.
Pale, drunk and amoeboid—wet skin rippling in the overcast morning. You stood for everything that was good and true in the national character, and watching you college (used here as a verb) your face off on national television caused a wave of bittersweet nostalgia to wash over my post-university soul.
Watching you pour mixed drink over your body was a pleasure and an honor. Thank you.
Virulence Level: Spanish flu
Another year, another amazing lineup at Key and Peele's East-West Bowl.
I'll say this much: I'm blown away by the fact that Eqqsquisitine Buble-Schwinslow hasn't found his way onto my colleague Matt Miller's first-round NFL draft projections.
He has wheels, high points the ball and has managed to make a name for himself despite a weak Nebraska offense in 2013. Maybe next year.
Virulence Level: Almost on par with the first East-West Bowl
After hitting a half-court shot and winning $75,000, 50-year-old computer technician Michael Drysch won the greatest gift of all—a running takedown from a 6'8", 250-pound superstar.
God bless you, Michael. I'll never not enjoy the look of life-affirming happiness on your face when LeBron James took you to the deck.
It was a look that said, "Well, that's all I'll need from you, Life. I can rest easy now."
Virulence Level: "HEYEAYEAYEA..."
An amazing moment between a team and a child with a terrible disease was caught on film this spring, and the footage warmed hearts around the world.
Jack Hoffman, an eight-year-old diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor, was given the chance to run in a touchdown during the Nebraska football team's spring game. The cameras rolled, and the footage of the Cornhuskers lifting Jack on their shoulders in the end zone made its way around the world.
For every million or so dumb things that are shared on the Internet, there is one Jack Hoffman moment that makes it all worth it.
Virulence Level: Charlie's finger-biting antics