When all else fails, blame the pumpkin-colored sarks.
Orange, carroty uniforms.
Before you laugh, remember the Knicks are 0-6 when donning traffic-cone-colored duds, and that they're desperate for an explanation as to why they have the second-worst record in the Eastern Conference.
The Knicks themselves refused to blame their inept efforts on their blinding attire.
"No, I’m not a superstitious guy," Carmelo Anthony said afterward, per the New York Daily News' Peter Botte. "I won’t blame it on the 12 o’clock game, I won’t blame it on the orange uniforms. Regardless, we could’ve been in the white uniforms today, it’d still been the same thing."
I find myself torn between respecting 'Melo for refusing to blame the loss on his clothes and startled that he seemed resigned to the Knicks losing no matter what.
Let's go with respect, since it's unlikely a 5-14 record is enough to kill Anthony's faith entirely.
But while the Knicks wouldn't blame the loss on their game-day garb, they are aware of the facts.
Point guard Raymond Felton cringed at the sight of orange jerseys the night before when they were mistakenly placed in the players' lockers. Felton would later say he was kidding, according to Botte, but perhaps some of the Knicks are more superstitious than 'Melo.
If that's the case, the Knicks are permitted to ditch the uniforms, per the New York Post's Marc Berman:
If he wishes, the eccentric (James) Dolan can forever shelve those new alternate orange jerseys after the Knicks fell to 0-6 in the uniforms with Sunday’s 114-73 disgrace to Boston at the Garden.
According to an NBA official, the Knicks have now fulfilled the minimum requirement for the number of times they have to wear the brand new, all-orange jerseys that appear as haunted as Halloween.
The NBA official told The Post the Knicks can wear the uniforms a maximum of 18 times this season and no fewer than six times under league rules.
We're torn once again.
On the one hand, wearing the Halloween-themed costumes is a savvy marketing ploy. Fans who have no problem walking under ladders, break mirrors on the regular and breed black cats could find them fashionable enough to splurge on.
On the other hand, the Knicks are 0-6, and owner James Dolan is an impulsive, often unpredictable fellow. The Knicks City Dancers have already been roasted by his barbecue of terror—the creamsicle tunics could be next.
Blaming New York's poor play on wardrobe selections is insane, regardless of how you spin it. Unless those orange garments are doused in made-field-goals-be-gone potion beforehand, all losses must be attributed to the players.
In the interest of distancing themselves from any and all horrific basketball, though, why not abandon them altogether? It would put Felton, and presumably other Knicks, at ease.
Cinderella's horse-drawn carriage would also be able to ride again.