Hasselbeck, Kerney Star In Seattle's Superbowl Soap Opera '09

(Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

Women are so strange. Daily sitting in front of the boob tube for hours on end, watching their stupid soap operas. C'mon ladies, who really cares about these stupid characters and all their cheesy back stories and ridiculous situations?

We men are far more sensible than our female counterparts. We will watch only television that truly matters. Life altering, earth changing reality that moves the nation and the world. Rather than filling our time with the latest infidelity, love triangles and the return of long lost evil twins, we tune in to news that is vastly more important than some corny, poorly written soap.

News like, will Matt Hasselbeck stay healthy this year and lead the 'Hawks to a winning record, or will his little half brother, Seneca need to take the reins of the family empire, giving Seattle Another Life?

Can Patrick Kerney overcome the brutal obstacles in his path and make his way, unhindered to a final showdown with the evil Kurt Warner? And will Kurt be able to fight off old age and the newest young gunslinger in Arizona's Search For Tomorrow?

Not to dwell on the past, but every 'Hawk fan remembers that the referees were paid off by an insidious secret cartel in Seattle's only Superbowl appearance vs. the now hated "Stealers" from Pittsburgh. Though the years have passed, we have not forgotten the pain and inner anguish of that fateful day. Nor will we ever! We remember and will continue to argue our case for all the Days of Our Lives.

Will TJ Hous-a-mazelli (put him on the board) be able to erase some of that pain and lead us to the top of the NFC West again, or will the injury bug raise it's ugly head, decimating our receiving corps again this year, sending us all to view daily reports from General Hospital?

The rookies, Young and Restless, will they contribute to a winning record? Which unknown commodity will rise to the top and play as if he's from Another World?

And our Guiding Light, Jim Mora. What changes will he make for better or for worse? Does he still carry the stigma of his adulterous affair with two Seattle sports Jocks  while he was in Atlanta? Only time will tell. 

So listen up, All My Children, we, the fans, are the key to the Seahawks fortune, good or bad. We are the 12th Man. The secret weapon that propels the 'Hawks from The Edge Of Night to a bright, shining new day and a winning '09 campaign. It's time to get off our tushes, force our wives off the couch and away from their useless daytime soaps and get them into the game! The Hawks are going to need all the help they can get this year.

By the way, it's been rumored that Mike Holmgren's evil twin is eye balling a job in San Francisco next year. Say it isn't so Mike, say it isn't so!

I could go on but I've got to go for now. My wife wants me to find the remote so she can tune in to one of her stupid soap operas.

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