Audibly, there's not much that separates panicked terror and absolute excitement, which is probably why my neighbors call the cops every college football Saturday.
As a fan, I can become so overwhelmed by an athletic feat that I inexplicably flip a coffee table on its end and scream primitively in my living room. It's pathetic, really.
But broadcasters can become similarly unhinged, and we've all heard an announcer completely lose it in a moment (Gus Johnson, anyone?).
From guttural shrieks to painful howls, these are 10 announcers who sound like they're dying.
Like love and music, deranged fanaticism is a universal language.
In this clip, a Liga ACB announcer calls a buzzer-beater with a crazed enthusiasm rarely seen outside of the floor level seats at a Justin Bieber concert.
Happiness is finding something that you love as much as this announcer loves soccer goals. To watch this clip is to watch a man reach sublime beatitudo in front of your very eyes.
That said, this guy sounds like he's shipwrecked on a deserted island and desperately screaming toward a passing rescue plane.
The guy announcing this chariot race is either in the throes of a heart attack or getting choked out with a suffocating guillotine hold in the press box.
Either way, you have to respect this man's commitment to broadcasting.
Gus Johnson is the Leonardo da Vinci of over-the-top announcing, and this '06 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament game between UCLA and Gonzaga is his Mona Lisa.
Close your eyes and picture Sam Kinison calling a game while riding Space Mountain in reverse. Then, press play to see an uncanny reflection of your imagination.
International soccer announcers seem to be in a heated competition over who can make the most unnecessarily dramatic goal call.
Andres Cantor's take is seemingly inspired by a man who's face-to-face with the Grim Reaper as his elevator car falls hopelessly down the shaft.
Right now, I'd say he's in the early lead.
This announcer reacts to a last-second goal like a guy whose parachute won't open during a 12,000-foot skydive.
It's amazing how similar utter euphoria and pure terror can sound.
No, Skrillex has not doctored this clip. Dick Vitale is, in fact, punctuating a Miami Hurricanes dunk with nine consecutive mentions of the word "layup."
Is he making a point about Duke's defense or legitimately having a stroke? It's impossible to tell.
After Brad May's overtime goal in the '92-93 NHL Playoffs, Buffalo Sabres announcer Rick Jeanneret repeatedly screams "May day!"
While a cute play on May's name, it sounds a lot like the distraught utterances of a sinking ship.
In 2007, Appalachian State upsets Michigan with a dramatic, last-second field-goal block.
The excitement isn't lost on Appalachian State's local radio announcers, who react as though their pickup truck is careening off of Grandfather Mountain Road at 75 miles per hour.
When this announcer screams, "The bears have won!" it sounds like a distressed radio call lamenting mankind's collapse to an advanced breed of hyperintelligent grizzlies.
Despite our place on the food chain, this is a somber reminder of just how vulnerable we truly are.