Do You Suffer from a Rafael Nadal Addiction?

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Do You Suffer from a Rafael Nadal Addiction?
(Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

Just a bit of fun! (Part Two)

(As I am kind, I decided to write a companion article for all those Rafael Nadal fans out there who could not relate to my “Do You Suffer From A Roger Federer Addiction?” piece.)

The condition known as “Acute Rogeritis” has been well documented on B/R. Many of the writers in the tennis domain are experiencing symptoms of the condition even as we speak. Several have also taken a turn for the worse following Roger Federer’s recent win in Madrid and are thought to have progressed to the later stages of the disease – known as “Chronic Rogeritis”.

(If you are concerned and think that you may be suffering from this condition and would like more information on it, please click here.)

However, although an awareness of this illness has been raised thanks to the efforts of one sufferer (the author herself) a newer disease, known as “Acute Nadalitis”, has not been so widely documented.

It is thought that as many as 50% of the tennis-obsessed folks in B/R may be suffering from this condition. (In all likelihood, these poor souls are the ones who are not suffering from “Acute Rogeritis”.)

As with “Acute Rogeritis”, no cure has yet been found. Scientists have confirmed that they are currently carrying out research which involves observing the interaction between individuals suffering from each of these alarming conditions.

Dr. M. Aniac, the lead researcher in this field, has said that he believes a breakthrough is imminent: “I may be as maaaaaaaaaad as the mad hatter, but I think that my scientists have finally figured out what is going on here. One condition acts as an antidote for the other!!! Unfortunately, most of the loonies with these conditions don’t want a cure. Humph. Anyone want to do an Irish Jig?”

With the clay season fully underway and Roland Garros being in full swing, the tennis domain has been put on “red alert” for a possible “Nadalitis” epidemic.

If you can answer "Yes" to any of the following statements then it is already too late for you:

  1. Your partner has informed you that you appear to be muttering something that sounds a lot like “Vamos!” in your sleep.
  2. You seem to have a permanent wedgie (no matter what underwear you choose to put on).
  3. When you beat your best friend at a game of Scrabble/Pictionary/Cluedo/(Insert the name of a well-known board-game) you stand up and do a fist-pump.
  4. You have started adding a “no?” to the end of all your sentences.
  5. Your home does not have a beautiful green garden - no sir! - you much prefer the “red dirt” which you recently sprinkled all over your backyard.
  6. You are beginning to notice how even the smallest things in life can get you worked up. For example, your rage is uncontrollable when your cleaning lady dusts all the shelves in your house but does not reposition the knick-knacks in a straight line after she has finished. (How many times do you have to tell her?)
  7. You keep going on and on about how great Switzerland is, driving all your friends insane. (You think it is the best country in the world and only your favourite uncle seems to agree with you.)
  8. At the moment your studies couldn't be going any better. You have impressed your teachers, peers and parents by coming “top” in all of your classes (and not just your favourite subject like you used to).
  9. You have taken to wearing bright pink (especially if you are a bloke) and do not listen when your friends complain that they now need to wear a pair of sunglasses whilst in your company. You tell them that it is very important to celebrate the fashion of the 1980s.
  10. You have also decided to go for a “more mature” new look clothes-wise. If you are a girl, you have decided to stop wearing short skirts. If you are a boy, you have decided that tank tops are not the way forward. Either way, you have upset members of the opposite gender with this (rather rash) new decision.

If you think you are suffering from this condition, do not be afraid to seek professional help. Those who may need it include: Poulomee Basu, Emma, Tanya Pal, Biss naydmech, B Y, Sudeshna Banerjee and perhaps even oxyMoron.

Vamos!

 

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