2009 Stanley Cup Finals Rematch: Pittsburgh vs. Detroit, BT vs. Burgundy

In the eyes of many, the Wings need to win back-to-back championships to cement themselves as a dynasty. They now have their chance to be the first repeating champions since they did so back in 1996-97 and 1997-98, and have done it by matching styles with their opponents and winning in many different ways along the way.

Now they’re facing the team they beat for last year’s championship.

The Pittsburgh Penguins are almost doomed until they win a championship: A player or team can have all the talent in the world, but in a time of vindication, nothing is solidified until a star wins a title.

If Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin aren’t able to win a Stanley Cup for a second-straight finals, would many start to wonder about their ability to "finish", or would they just say that the kids are alright and there are more of these where the past two came from?

On top of that, there’s the Marian Hossa subplot—seeing the defending champs as a better shot to win the cup, he jumped ship in the offseason.

Common thought is that Hossa has made them better without the Wings having to take something away. Now the Pens have the opportunity to stick it to the star that spurned them before questions surround his offseason plans once again.

In other words: Something’s Gotta Give.

Ron Burgundy: What a bad movie reference. It’s indescribable, the reason you brought up that move.

BT: How come? It’s applicable. According the IMDB.com the plot centers around an aging swinger (the championship Red Wings) looking for another shot at glory, but falling for an accomplished older woman (Marian Hossa, who’s an accomplished scorer but just needs that ring).

The Pittsburgh Penguins also had an attraction to Hossa (much like the doctor in the movie), but they slipped up and watched the accomplished winger hitch-hike his way to HockeyTown.

How’s that for a comparison?

Burgundy: You know far more about this movie than any man ever should.

BT: It was all IMDB. I swear.

Burgundy: I bet. And Terry Bradshaw was just asking for those sexual advances from Champ Kind wasn’t he? And Harken’s son isn’t a deranged bow-and-arrow wielding acid-addict. Or thinking that punching a bear in the uvula works.

BT: Wasn’t that your idea, Ron?

Burgundy: The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.

BT: Ron?

Burgundy: The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.

BT: Looks like he’s ignoring us. We’ll try to get him back on track in the meantime.

Pittsburgh Penguins

The Pens’ offense certainly clicked into high gear against the Carolina Hurricanes. That is, if it wasn’t there already.

Against the ‘Canes, Pittsburgh scored 20 goals in just four games for a five goal-per-game average—a goal and a half more than they averaged against Washington and Philadelphia combined (3.46 goals per game in the 13 combined games).

The Penguins were only outshot once during the series (game four) and registered two 40-plus shot games in games two and three.

With the forwards, there are no surprises: Crosby and Malkin have been a wrecking ball of offense, putting up 28 points each, while Maxime Talbot found his stride in the Carolina series (four points in four games including the game-winning goal in game four).

Bill Guerin has been able to channel his youth with 14 points in 17 games while Chris Kunitz hasn’t been scoring goals (only one in the playoffs), bet he has set up 11 of them.

We all know Pittsburgh has a deadly offense—but what if I told you it was lacking something?

Even with those twenty goals scored by the Pens, only one came from the back end, off the stick of Phillippe Boucher. While that goal was on the power play, it was one of only two power-play points that Pittsburgh defenders got during the series (the other being a Sergei Gonchar assist), and one of seven points overall for the defense during the series.

The biggest problem in all of this though, is that Kris Letang (who had nine points in twelve games coming in to the series) was held scoreless. If the Pens want to win, they’re going to need that secondary scoring.

Burgundy: It’s precisely like if I were to sing “Afternoon Delight” simply as a solo. Can I do it? Indeed I can because my voice is as golden as Midas’ lute, but support is everything and this—

News Team (in Harmony): Afternoon delight!

Burgundy: Sounds better than a solo.

BT: After that musical interlude, Pittsburgh also did an excellent job of stemming Carolina’s offensive attack.

While not the most offensively-powerful team, the Hurricanes did have weapons, and those weapons were limited to two or fewer goals in three of the four games.

Marc-Andre Fleury finished the series with a .920 save percentage and looked good in behind the Pittsburgh defense. He’ll need more of that if he wants a different result from last year’s six-game loss in the finals, but a good starting point will be not tripping his way onto the ice.

Burgundy: The Penguins biggest problem will be if they get distracted by themselves.

Let’s face it: Detroit is grizzled and ugly, and while a moustache is a symbol of power and prestige, their beards and European-style long hair fly untamed as they waltz around the ice. They look like hobos.

The young faces of the Penguins are pristine—the faces that women fall for. If they keep themselves from getting distracted by their own good looks, they’ll be alright.

But they do have an advantage—they don’t look as good as me. That helps in the long run.

BT: Um…I’m going to be a little different here and stick with hockey. The Penguins need to find scoring from their defense, because just one goal and two power-play points won’t cut it against the Red Wings. They’ll need to capitalize on their opportunities and roll a full-fledged attack.

Marc-Andre Fleury will also need to remain at his best and keep his team in the games late, which is when Detroit really turns it on.

Burgundy: Real insight? Go eat cat poop.

Detroit Red Wings

There aren’t many holes on the Detroit Red Wings, and the ones that are apparent fill themselves fairly quickly.

Without Kris Draper, Pavel Datsyuk, and Nicklas Lidstrom in the lineup, the Wings were still able to capitalize on numerous power play opportunities and bury the ‘Hawks 6-1 in Game Four, and close out the series in Game Five.

Even without Datsyuk scoring these playoffs, the Wings have gotten contributions from up and down their lineup with the perennial playoff scoring of Johan Franzen, and the surprise appearance of Dan Cleary.

Aside from just the “premier scorers” of the playoffs, the Wings have gotten contributions from everywhere offensively. Mikael Samuelsson had two game-winning goals (games one and two) against Chicago, while Johan Franzen and Darren Helm had the other two for the Wings.

Brett Lebda had two assists in Game Five, Brian Rafalski was one of three players with three points in Game Four (all three were power-play assists), and three different defensemen had goals (Rafalski, Jonathan Ericsson, and Lidstrom) in the series for the Wings.

Justin Abdelkader may also be the re-incarnation of Darren Helm—which is interesting seeing as Helm is currently becoming a fan favorite during this playoff run.

Despite playing just two regular season games prior to the playoffs, Abdelkader has appeared in seven playoff games, only missing game three against Chicago (since showing up for game five against Anaheim). Although he’s only registered one point and is an even on the plus/minus scale, Abdelkader has done a great job at causing trouble down low for such a young, inexperienced (at the NHL level), forward.

Even if the Wings were to get into even deeper injury trouble though, they still have some untapped resources, and more valuable assets.

While Chris Chelios hadn’t played since game four against Anaheim, he was able to step into games four and five against Chicago and provide a veteran presence to a defense missing it’s leader (Lidstrom). Although at times Chelios did look like a 47-year old playing a 27-year old’s game, his quiet contributions both on and off the ice this season can’t go unnoticed.

The same can be said for Darren McCarty, who’s treated sitting on the sidelines this playoff run like a true professional, and can surely add some grit off the bench if Detroit feels they need it against Pittsburgh.

Burgundy: Detroit is like a good glass of Scotch. Everyone thinks that they’re man enough to handle it, so they’re all-too-willing to take a shot at them. Then, once they have a sip, they find out that only a true man can run with a strong glass of scotch because it is the drink of choice for the powerful and handsome.

BT: I drink scotch.

Burgundy: Maybe if it came in juice boxes, junior.

BT: Um...that aside, every player on the Wings’ roster knows just when to step up. I don’t have to tell you or show you any stats to know that Chris Osgood has been night and day during the post season compared to his regular season.

The Pittsburgh Penguins' offense though will offer him a challenge, because they’re ability to move the puck quickly will force Osgood to prove he still has that extra step when he moves laterally. If he can’t do that, then the Penguins may have an advantage.

Burgundy: Zeus’ beard!

BT: What?

Burgundy: Not what, who. I just realized that Chris Chelios is not only as old as Zeus’ beard, but he was probably his barber too.

BT: Strange.

Anyways, for a final prediction, this is going to be a very interesting series.

For one, Pittsburgh has revenge on their mind. Not just because of the fact that they lost to Detroit last year, but because they lost both Marian Hossa and Ty Conklin to the Red Wings in the offseason.

Second of all, while Ty Conklin has played for all three teams that appeared in NHL Winter Classics, all three of those teams have played (or are about to play) in Stanley Cup Finals with him on the roster. The first two teams lost.

Detroit has done an excellent job of matching their opponent’s styles in these playoffs. They were able to methodically exploit holes in Chicago and Columbus, and do away with those two in a combined nine games, which was fairly painless (unless you’re on the other end of a Niklas Kronwall hit, or you’re Lidstrom, Datsyuk, or Draper).

Pittsburgh has the star power, and those stars (Malkin and Crosby) have been absolutely rolling every game. They have the depth up front, but they can't be a one-dimensional scoring attack. If they are, Detroit can identify that and shut them down, so the defensemen need to keep moving the puck for Pittsburgh.

Detroit has thier own star power too though, and we don’t know how hurt those stars (Datsyuk and Lidstrom) actually are and what the rest has done for them.

If they’re healthy enough to play, two of Detroit’s biggest weapons will certainly be fresh, but not by coach Mike Babcock’s choice.

Burgundy: The Wings are number one, but many feel it’s time for a new number one—every so often you need a new number one. That’s why I’m a network anchor now.

There’s a reason Frank Vitchard had his arms eaten off by a bear.

The Pittsburgh Penguins will win in seven, and celebrate with champagne, three fingers of glenlivet with a little bit of pepper, and some cheese.

BT: Wow Ron, I guess we’re on different pages here. I think Pittsburgh gives them a run, but Detroit comes out on top (just barely) this year in seven games.

Burgundy: Go F$&^ yourself.

BT: That was really mature.

Burgundy: I don’t have to be mature. I’m famous.

BT: You smell like bad cheese and old meat.

Burgundy: Your teeth look like the Rocky Mountains.

BT: It wasn’t Baxter who pooped in your fridge. It was me.

Burgundy: If you were a man I’d punch you square in the mouth!

BT: (Confused)….Yea? Well your hair…

Burgundy: Say it…

BT: Looks….

Burgundy: I dare you….

BT: (Sighs) Fabulous.

Burgundy: That’s what I thought.  You stay classy, Bleacher Report.

Bryan Thiel is a Senior Writer and an NHL Community Leader for Bleacher Report. If you want to get in contact with Bryan you can do so through his profile, or email him at [e-mail]. You can also check out his previous work in his archives.

Ron Burgundy will be returning to movie theatres in 2010 with Anchorman 2. This series of articles was in no way a preview or an advertisement; he just wanted you to know about the move now.