I'm a Laker and So Can You: Five Easy Steps To Ride The Bandwagon

General PeppersCorrespondent IMay 27, 2009

LOS ANGELES - NOVEMBER 16:  Actor Jack Nicholson and son Raymond attend the game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Miami Heat on November 16, 2003 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Vince Bucci/Getty Images)

Being a Lakers fan is one of the most thrilling life experiences allowed in sports.

It's a fan club that will accept anyone—even if it is only for the year, we take people on loan like the Premiership.

Everyone likes a winner and since the Lakers are the favorites at this point, our bandwagon is going to need to make some room. But before you make the leap, let me help you out with five easy steps to make your life easier.


5. Cheer when we're winning with two minutes left, but never, and I emphasize the word never, show emotion otherwise. You're just too damn cool.

As a Lakers fan you are not allowed to cheer when your "energy guy" does something we expect the average basketball player to do at all times. Two reasons for this:

1. We don't have energy guys. The only time anyone is expected to try hard is when we're up by 20 points or more. Anytime before that we just hope our talent prevents us from having to work for anything.

2. It's only cool to cheer when everyone else is cheering. We're fans, but this isn't Boston, we have attractive girls with hands in our wallets we have to impress!


4. Kobe Bryan is God...until he asks for a trade or we start losing—Then he's just a Jordan wannabe.

When we're winning it's because of Bryant. Every pass he makes is the best one since his last pass, and every shot he makes has never been made before.

He is the best player in the league and a few more rings makes him better than Michael Jordan.

That is until we lose. Then he is a dirty rapist who shoots too much and needs to pass to D.J Mbenga who is underrated.


3. Trevor Ariza is an All Star and you will tell everyone you know, every second of every day, ALL THE TIME.

This goes without saying. Trevor Ariza can do anything and everything and you will tell everyone this even when they don't ask. Especially when they don't ask.


2. You can miss big games to go eat sushi with your bros and still be a fan, because you're "positive we've got the game in hand, bro."

If you're wearing an Ed Hardy shirt and rocking a Faux-Hawk while eating the sushi then bonus points to you.


1. Sell Your soul.

This is the most important aspect of riding the Lakers bandwagon.

You have to get rid of all pride and passion and just go ahead and renounce religion and faith while you're at it—though the latter portion is going to make it hard for you to pray to God that Jackson stops playing Derek Fisher.