Knicks Owner James Dolan Reportedly Has Minion Tail Coach Mike Woodson 24/7

Zach BuckleyNational NBA Featured ColumnistNovember 8, 2013

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - MAY 18:  Head Coach Mike Woodson of the New York Knicks looks on during Game Six of the Eastern Conference Semifinals between the New York Knicks and the Indiana Pacers during the 2013 NBA Playoffs on May 18, 2013 at Bankers Life Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, Indiana.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and condition of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: 2013 NBAE  (Photo by Ron Hoskins/NBAE via Getty Images)
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As if New York Knicks head coach Mike Woodson didn't already have enough eyes on him from the unrelenting Empire State media, he reportedly has another, creepier set tracking his every move.

According to Frank Isola of the New York Daily News, Knicks owner James Dolan has employed a Woodson watcher on his payroll.

What exactly is a Woodson watcher? Excellent question. Luckily, Isola has all of the disturbing details:

Woodson also allows himself to be followed by a Garden employee everywhere he goes, whether it’s at home games or on the road. Last season, the employee wouldn’t leave Woodson’s side as the coach met with family and friends outside the visiting team locker room in Atlanta. It was an awkward and uncomfortable scene.

Awkward and uncomfortable? I could buy that.

Seems like there's a little bit of awkwardness in every good Dolan story.

Isola previously reported that Dolan's wrath has even been extended to the Knicks City Dancers. Although there have been conflicting reports about the existence of this dancing ban, the dance team hasn't performed in either of the team's last two home games.

NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 14:  Executive Chairman of Madison Square Garden & NBA Governor, James L. Dolan speaks to the media at a press conference to announce Mike Woodson as the interim head coach of the New York Knicks following the resignation of Mike D'An
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The fact that this is a real thing is astounding. Only in New York.

This Woodson tracking business, though, is troubling. No matter the circumstances, how can you sell this as a solid way to run a business?

Even if Dolan convinced himself that this really was a good idea, why Woodson? Wouldn't you rather have someone monitoring J.R. Smith's late-night activities?

What exactly is Dolan worried about his 55-year-old head coach getting involved with? Overzealous cribbage games? Lengthy naps on game day?

I'm probably making an unfair assumption here—that assumption being Dolan actually using logic when deciding that a human GPS sounded like a good idea.

This is, after all, the same owner putting a championship-or-bust label on a roster that sees its best-case scenario fall short of the Eastern Conference Finals.

How does Woodson feel about his watchful owner?

Translation: I know who signs my paycheck, and I know that he has someone listening to this conversation right now.

Who needs fiction when we've got Knicks basketball to keep us entertained?