The SEC On Television: Just For Kicks

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The SEC On Television: Just For Kicks
(Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

It’s Memorial Day.  I should be on the lake, not at my laptop.  So forgive my mind for wandering.

As I typed a bit of information about the SEC’s television contracts earlier today, I began to think of yet another list to add to the already endless list of lists that have found themselves on sports-related websites this spring.

So, just for simple kicks before I head out for the day, here’s what this year’s SEC football teams would be titled, if they wereprimetime programs:



Alabama—Ghost Whisperer

Nick Saban has Tide fans believing he’s The Bear reincarnated.  Expectations are bubbling up and bursting out.  Not unlike Jennifer Love Hewitt on the actual CBS show.



Arkansas—Medium

Even if Bobby Petrino’s defense shows vast improvement this fall, the Razorbacks were so woeful on that side of the ball last year that the best they can expect to be is “medium.”  And that’s not good enough to compete for the West title.



Auburn—Lost

No quarterback.  No playmakers.  Plus, an incredible sense of deja vu.  Other than that, there’s no reason not to have total faith in Gus Malzahn’s new spread offense.  Nope, no reason at all.



Florida—American Idol

Tim Tebow.  Endless hype.  Need I say more?



Georgia—Law & Order

The seeds for disappointment last fall were sewn between January and August, when Bulldog after Bulldog were picked up, arrested, booked and charged.  Having to replace several key stars, canUGA keep their nose clean this summer and avoid added distractions?



Kentucky—Wipeout

The defense, which was expected to have to carry the offense, has now lost—arguably—its best player in Jeremy Jarmon.  Also, despite reaching a bowl game last year, UK won just two SEC games and finished dead last in the East.  At some point, you either move forward or move backward.  I think Kentucky’s three-year bowl run is about up.



LSU—My Own Worst Enemy

The NBC show might have been cancelled, but Les Miles’ gambling act plays on in the Pelican State.  That said, if Miles’ talented team can’t make up for his odd in-game decisions—as they did two years ago—it could be Miles that gets nixed after this fall.



Mississippi State—The Apprentice

He’s running the spread offense like Urban Meyer.  He’s even taken a couple of verbal jabs at other schools like Urban Meyer.  Question is, can Dan Mullen coach like Urban Meyer?



Ole Miss—The Big Bang Theory

Everything looks good on paper.  Returning players, much-hyped quarterback, easy schedule, etc.  So why do I get the feeling Ole Miss is going to be this year’s Georgia—highly-rated in the preseason, but unable to grab the brass ring during the regular season?



South Carolina—Deal Or No Deal

Things appear to be pretty clear in Columbia: either Stephen Garcia turns out to be the quarterback Gamecock fans have been praying for…or Steve Spurrier finally walks away a humbled man at the end of the season.



Tennessee—Two And A Half Men

Two scholarship quarterbacks (50% completion percentage, just 1,700 yards passing, with eight touchdowns and eight interceptions last season) and a walk-on quarterback who was pitching in Single-A baseball last year.  That’s it for options under center.  Not exactly the recipe for a major turnaround.



Vanderbilt—Heroes

If Bobby Johnson and this year’s team can somehow, some way pull a repeat of last year and manage a 6-6 season and another bowl berth, they will be immortalized forever on theVandy campus.  Back-to-back bowls?  Is it possible?


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