NFL Draft-Day Trade: An Interview with Chad Johnson

Foxboro, MA: 4/26/08

In a stunning draft day trade, the Bengals have traded WR Chad Johnson to the New England Patriots for Jabar Gaffney and a 4th round draft pick. Chris Radez was able to get an interview with Chad shortly after the news came to the surface.

CMR: Chad... how ya doin?

CJ: I'm great Chris... I made it out of Cincy without getting arrested. Life doesn't get better than that.

CMR: I heard they were gonna open up a new prison in Cincinatti called "The Bungle". Is this true?

CJ: What'd you call me?

CMR: Nevermind. How do you think you're going to be able to co-exist with Randy Moss in New England?

CJ: I thought this interview was gonna be about me. Whattya tryin to do here?

CMR: My bad Chad... Do you have any touchdown dances prepared for your first Patriot touchdown?

CJ: I was thinking about working that lighthouse they have on the field into one of my dances ... if it's an away game, I was thinking I would just throw the football at one of the fans.

CMR: But I thought you were happy about not going to prison and everything ... why the hostility?

CJ:That was a Cincy thang only ... now that I'm out, I can look back and say that I wasn't one of them. I didn't go to the joint. Besides, I won't get arrested for throwing a football at somebody.

CMR: What if you break his nose?

CJ: Who says it would be a he?

CMR: *awkward silence*

CJ: I'm just playin man ... I'd make sure it was a guy. And if he doesn't move, it's his own fault. I've got money ... that'll hold up in court.

CMR: I think that's enough about that. One last question for you: What's the first thing you'd like to do now that you're a New England Patriot?

CJ: I'm gonna go get my camcorder and head to Buffalo.

CMR: Why?

CJ: I dunno, Coach Belichick told me to go "see what I could find out". I figure I'll know what he means when I get there.

After that, there was the sound of sirens. Chris turned around to see where it was coming from, and upon turning back ... Chad was gone. Mysteriously, a tumbleweed rolled by as Ohio State Troopers got out of their cars asking Chris who he had been interviewing. Radez, confused, refused to respond and flagged a cab for a ride to the train station... feeling as though he had definitely wasted his time trying to get an exclusive interview, when he could have been watching his Patriots draft Vernon Gholston with their first pick of the 2008 NFL Draft.