We don’t know who it works for or what it wants—but this pigeon is up to something.
Members of the Oregon Ducks staff recently spotted a suspicious bird loitering near one of the remote cameras at Autzen Stadium.
Instead of calling the NCAA or the Department of Homeland Defense, however, team officials naively decided to befriend the creature without learning its intentions. The Oregon video department's Twitter account went as far as tweeting congenially about its feathery visitor, which was spotted by Bill Hanstock of SBNation.com.
Hanstock and I agree—”Timothy” is not your friend, Oregon.
Look at that eye, cold and vacant. There’s not a shred of respect, mercy or understanding in that venom-gold orb.
Where Oregon sees a pesky bird-friend, the vigilant/disconcertingly irrational see a common city bird plotting conquest over an entire football program.
Who’s putting you up to this, Timothy? Is it UCLA? The Cobra Kai? Nick Saban?? We may never know, but I wasn’t the only one who saw the espionage in the eyes of this feral rock pigeon.
You know what they say—dark wings, dark words.
The last thing the 7-0 Ducks need going into Saturday’s game against the No. 12 Bruins is some kind of advanced, robot carrier pigeon with GoPro cameras for eyes spying over their preparations.
Naming this bird and bringing him into the fold is inviting ruin on your house, Oregon—unless this is all part of some deeper level of shadow games.
Invite Timothy in...gain his trust...and then BOOM—threaten him with the “Turpigeon” treatment. Tell him the jig is up, and that the only way he won’t end up french-fried and stuffed inside a turkey rectum this Thanksgiving is if he returns to Alabama as an Oregon double agent.
It’s brilliant—but then again, there's always the possibility that Timothy is just a pigeon hanging out near a camera, and therefore unable to understand English/any of your threats.
Or he could be playing coy.
I’m onto you, Tim.