Stadiums offer more than warm beer at an exorbitant markup, they're symbols of civic pride and titanic mausoleums of athletic history.
While these spaces range from design marvels to vacuous concrete monstrosities, the fans that call them home love them unconditionally. But, with all due respect to your stadium of choice, some fans need a friendly reminder that their kid is ugly or—at least—in desperate need of a renovation.
At best, Tropicana Field is a vapid warehouse setting with dugouts. At worst, it's a savage assault on the senses.
Tampa Bay has one of the most exciting teams in baseball, but you wouldn't know it by the nondescript airplane hangar they call home.
To watch David Price and Evan Longoria play here is like watching an action movie set in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. The surroundings are so dreary that it actually creates an excitement vacuum.
Like Rick Springfield and Dynasty, the Metrodome is a haunting reminder of just how tasteless the world was in 1981.
Besides its dull aesthetics, the roof is tantamount to an air-supported windbreaker, which—considering Minnesota's winters—has long been an accident waiting to happen.
Thankfully, the Vikings will have new digs in 2016.
The comments section of this piece is likely full of diehards defending their hometown stadiums (as it should be), but even Islanders fans consider Nassau Coliseum an abomination.
This place never grew out of the shag carpet, pencil-thin mustache era from which it was born.
For hockey fans that have had the misfortune of using Nassau Coliseum's restrooms, the Islanders' move to Barclays Center can't come soon enough.
San Diego is a wonderful city with stunning beaches and beautiful women, but its football stadium is a graceless, concrete middle finger for the eyes.
Qualcomm looks like an alien mothership that would lose in a fight to a Ford F-350. It's huge, but it has no heart.
Sleep Train Arena is the byproduct of an ownership group that desperately wanted to move its franchise to Las Vegas. The Kings were like a real-life version of Major League, except the Maloof family is decidedly less sympathetic than Indians owner Rachel Phelps.
The Kings' home was reportedly built for $40,000,000, or—if you prefer—the cost of the Cowboys Stadium's LED scoreboard alone.
Under new ownership, the Kings will stay in Sacramento and could have a new, state of the art stadium as early as 2016.
Candlestick Park might be good for, say, a monster truck rally or demolition derby, but it's a totally unbefitting home for one of the NFL's banner franchises.
From the Golden Gate Bridge to AT&T Park, San Francisco has a collection of timeless landmarks. Unfortunately, this place hasn't been fashionable since Phil Collins ruled the airwaves.
Typically, we wouldn't pick on a small college, but the Kibbie Dome is so exceptionally goofy that it deserves mention.
This place is equal parts Wal-Mart Supercenter and vanguard-style contemporary art museum.
Like the movie No Holds Barred or Ray Lewis' tunnel dance, William H. Kibbie-ASUI Activity Center is so ridiculously bad that it's awesome.
FedEx Field is the kind of stadium that needs to host multiple Super Bowl winning teams in order to be remembered. If someone asked you to draw a stadium in the fifth grade, you'd end up with a rudimentary blueprint for the place. It's shamefully basic in almost every way.
Busch Stadium is one of finest parks in baseball, which only highlights the shortcomings of the nearby Edward Jones Dome.
Given St. Louis' climate and the stadium's downtown location, it's baffling that the Rams play under a roof. We're floating hypotheticals with other people's tax dollars here, but teams south of Interstate 90 should play in open-air stadiums.
Oakland Coliseum is like a one-size-fits-all onesie made out of denim: It technically works, but it's still embarrassing.
The stadium was built during the Lyndon B. Johnson administration and it's aged about as well as Steven Tyler since.
We understand that it's a multi-purpose facility, but A's games look like they're being played on a football field and Raiders games look like they're being played on a baseball diamond.
Arthur Ashe Stadium is the largest tennis venue in the world...by a lot. In fact, its 23,000-plus seat capacity would make it the largest stadium in the NHL, and that's the problem.
Since opening in 1997, Arthur Ashe Stadium has come under fire for weather delays, swirling winds on the court and obstructed views from its expansive upper deck.
The Superdome has an incredible energy on game day, but it looks like a giant, discarded breast implant on Poydras Street. A corporate sponsorship with Mercedes-Benz is a no-brainer because this is the only stadium in the country inspired by an E-Class coupe headlight.
Architecturally, Soldier Field is a staph infection on the otherwise flawless Chicago skyline. If the cash-strapped federal government forced the Field Museum into becoming an Apple Store, the neighboring institutions would look exactly alike—and things get worse when you step inside.
The ragged turf is a major point of contention amongst visiting players and coaches. By December, the playing surface looks more like George Clooney's dandruff-ridden chest hair than grass. It's a problem that seems easy to fix, but it's plagued the Windy City's football stadium for years.
Like Wrigley Field or Fenway Park, Joe Louis Arena has a graphic authenticity that's all too rare nowadays. It's nice to go to a stadium without being inundated with scoreboard gimmicks, goofball mascots and dubstep remixes of Justin Bieber songs.
That said, The Joe shows a lot of wear and tear for a stadium built less than 35 years ago.
Like the Tigers and Lions before them, Detroit has plans to build a new, cutting-edge stadium for the Red Wings.
The Rogers Centre looks like an indoor driving range designed by George Lucas. And, no, that's not a compliment.
This place is as sterile and inviting as a hospital room, which is especially depressing when you consider the architectural opportunity of its lakefront location.