News out of Pittsburgh is that one of James Harrison's three dogs got out and attacked his young son. His pit bull was was feared by neighbors, as it had bitten someone at an earlier date.
Joey Porter got into some dog trouble as well, when two of his dogs got loose and killed a miniature horse on a nearby farm. This lead to some animal licensing problems for Porter.
In 2008 Steve Foley, a former NFL linebacker, had felony charges brought against him when his pit bull attacked a lady and killed her small dog.
These three scenarios bring up just one conclusion: Michael Vick is the cause of all this, and maybe global warming—but that's for another time.
If Vick hadn't held up these dog vigilantes' distant cousins in cages and forced them to fight, none of this would have happened.
Pit bulls now hate NFL players. Hey, I'm only speaking statistically. The numbers don't lie.
As soon as the OPBA (obviously meaning the Organization of Pit Bulls Anonymous) caught wind of what was going on in Virginia, they had to act fast.
The pit bulls organized strategic attacks all over the country—they even released an Osama-esque tape.
Pittzbullah has claimed responsibility for the most recent attack in Pittsburgh.
Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL, had this to say about the incident:
"I own a few pit bulls myself and a couple doggie treadmills. It doesn't make me a criminal, does it?"
I am going to stay away from pit bulls if Vick gets reinstated...you should too.
* This is obviously satirical (with fake quotes and fake organizations). My get well wishes go out to Harrison's son.