2009 NBA Draft Cancelled Due to "Clippers Curse" (Satire)

Saying they have no desire to play for the Los Angeles Clippers, a team once dubbed by Sports Illustrated as professional sports' worst franchise, all the NBA prospects have announced they're sitting out the 2009 NBA draft.

As a result, the draft is being cancelled.

Many are returning to college, while some have vowed to play in Europe, Greece, and even an Iranian intramural basketball league rather than play for the hapless Clippers.

The Clippers, Los Angeles' redheaded stepchild of hoops, have long been considered a franchise where promising NBA careers die and where those there play as hard as possible in hopes of attracting interest from a semi-pro team somewhere.

Blake Griffin, a sophomore power forward from Oklahoma and the projected top pick, announced he would return to Oklahoma and play two more years or until the Clippers lose the lottery, whichever comes first.

"[Clippers head coach] Mike Dunleavy's a good guy who dresses well, but I have no desire to play for the Clippers," Griffin told reporters. "If I ever play professional hoops in Los Angeles, it'll be in a purple and gold uniform."

Duke's 6'4" junior Gerald Henderson has fired his agent and is applying for re-admission at Duke. "I'll even change my major if that helps me avoid getting drafted by the Clippers," he said in a statement. "It's easier to spell Coach K's [Mike Krzyzewski] last name than it is to stomach the thought of playing for the Clippers."

Southern Miss guard Jeremy Wise likewise will return to college for his final season rather than risk being drafted by the Clippers.

Dunleavy, in Spain to watch Spanish sensation Ricky Rubio, had no immediate comment.

Other would-be 2009 draftees have even chosen to play overseas.

7'3" UConn center Hasheem Thabeet is in talks to play for a professional team in Greece but said he may even consider playing for an Iranian intramural team, the Tehran Deathtoamericas, if that doesn't work out. "Anything to avoid playing for the Clippers," he added.