Dear Detroit Tigers: The Kansas City Royals are Better than You

Dear Detroit Tigers,

Before the season started you were the unanimous favorite to win the AL Central.

It was expected that with such a dominant offense, all would cower and kneel before your awesomeness.  In my fantasy leagues I drafted accordingly, picking up Polanco, Rentaria, Cabrera, and Magglio Ordóñez. I was expecting a powder keg to go off on opening day, but instead I got a dud.

What’s the deal?

The Rockies seemed to be starting off the same way, but have since picked up (excluding Brad Hawpe whom I drafted in two out of my three leagues).

When are you clowns supposed to actually do your job and jack in some runs?

People complain about Alex Rodriguez and how high his salary is, but the man is consistently amazing.

You guys, however, are not.

You’re letting down the city of Detroit, the sports analysts that projected you guys AL Central Champions and MVPs, and your fantasy owners. I’d feel sorry for your fans, but really, who cares about the state of Michigan anymore, let alone the city of Detroit?

If the Democratic National Committee can write you off, why can’t I?

And considering that most sports analysts are about as insightful as a dog licking itself, we can forget about them, too. Bobby Crosy 2006 AL MVP prediction anyone?

That leaves only the most important group: me.

I’ve already dropped Polanco and haven’t been starting the other three clowns (Magglio seems to be coming around though).

What is it you people need? New designer and undetectable steroids? A wild drug induced orgy before and after each game? A Subway party sub all for yourself (Cabrera)?

Then do it.

You have more money than gods and the historical stat lines to accomplish whatever it takes to propel me to first place in all my leagues.

Maybe Jim Leyland needs to start cursing and smoking in the dugout again.