Why the Los Angeles Dodgers' TV Announcers Should Be Fired Immediately

J.C. AyvaziSenior Analyst IMay 17, 2009

1989:  Steve Lyons of the Chicago White Sox delivers the ball during the 1989 season. (Photo by:  Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

First of all, calm yourselves. I am in no way speaking of Hall of Famer Vin Scully. 

Instead, while Vin was enjoying the last day of a week long vacation while the team was on the road in the East, new Dodger broadcaster Eric Collins and commentator Steve Lyons (pictured above) provided the play-by-play of today’s Dodgers/Marlins game on Channel 9 in Los Angeles.

Sunday, Dodger manager Joe Torre sent Clayton Kershaw to the mound to face the Fish.

For seven innings, Kershaw allowed no hits.

Now, baseball is a game of superstitions. A couple of the most important involve pitchers going for no-hitters. Teammates leave the pitcher alone, don't sit near him and absolutely never mention what is in the process of taking place. The last element, especially, extends to the announcing booth as well.

Yet Lyons, who bloody well should know better as a former player, started mentioning "no-hitter" in the sixth inning. 

His broadcasting partner Collins held off until the eighth, when the broadcast director and producer decided it was proper to show a clip from Hideo Nomo's masterpiece at Coor's Field in 1996 before Kershaw could throw his first pitch of the inning.

Sure enough, leading off the bottom of the eighth, former Dodger Cody Ross drilled a double into the left-center field gap and Kershaw's perfecto went up in smoke.

Currently, there is a lot of banter going on in Washington over our President, Congress, the CIA, and enhanced interrogation techniques such as waterboarding. I submit that this practice is far too mild for the likes of this crime against baseball.

As an old school type of guy, I would prefer to see those responsible for this heresy strung up by their thumbs and horsewhipped. A large cauldron filled with bubbling wax should be employed as well. Just contact the prop master from "The Addams Family" to borrow a rack and iron maiden.

Better yet, string them up like piñatas, give fans a bat and let them take a few swings. Ten bucks for three swings, with the proceeds to go to the Dodgers Dream Foundation.

The traditions of the sport need to be respected, if the people responsible bringing the game into our homes via television can't keep to the code, they must be replaced with those who know which end is up posthaste.

For those who think this should be labeled as humor, you are sadly mistaken. These crimes must be punished severely.