No Mick, You're a Bum! The Best and Worst Movie Managers Ever

First off, let’s be clear: For the sake of this article the term "manager" is used liberally. It’s not just a list of cinematic baseball managers. It’s a list of (fake) coaches/managers/spiritual advisors who may have inspired a bunch of other (fake) people to great highs or great lows.

Let’s proceed.

THE WORST

Mickey Goldmill, (Burgess Meredith, Rocky I, II, III)

It’s not that Mick didn’t do a decent job of preparing Rock for his first fight against Apollo, because by all accounts he did. It’s just that every time he had a chance, Mick threw Rock under the bus.

Early in Rocky after a tough win over Spider Rico, Mick gives Rock no respect, calling Rico a bum. Then in a petty money dispute he takes away Rock’s locker and refuses to train him anymore.

But when Rocky hits the boxing lottery and gets the fight with Apollo "The Master of Disaster" Creed, who knocks on Rocky’s door with literally hat in hand? You guessed it.

Even after all that, Rocky takes Mick back and they have a vigorous training sequence, which Mick responds to by telling Rocky to stay down, after being floored by a vicious Creed uppercut in the 14th round.

Yeah, thanks buddy.

Later on, Mick’s revelation in Rocky III that most of Rock’s post-Apollo fights were handpicked patsies designed to "protect" him, only solidified what we already knew. In hindsight, it looks like Clubber did Rocky a big favor by pushing Mick down those stairs.

Pop Fisher (Wilford Brimley, The Natural)

There’s a reason why Pop Fisher never won a pennant until Roy Hobbs got there: He’s stupid.

Waiting to play Hobbs, or even see what he has in the batting cage, while sticking with the underachieving Bump Bailey in leftfield was ridiculous. If Bailey didn’t help Fisher out by fatally crashing through that outfield wall, Hobbs may have never gotten a chance—even after literally knocking the cover off the ball.

At one point, Hobbs practically has to beg to stay with the big league Knights after walking out of team hypnosis session, another one of Fisher’s genius ideas.

And couldn’t Fisher also do something about his bad luck charm niece Memo, the one who poisons Hobbs and almost costs them the pennant?

Pops was right about one thing: He should’ve been a farmer.

OVERRATED

Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness, Star Wars)

Sure the naïve, solar hayseed Luke Skywalker buys into Ben’s mumbo jumbo about "The Force," but instead of spending time instructing Luke on the ways of this "Force," Ben basically commits suicide by turning off his light saber and letting Vader tee off on him unguarded, which in turn screws us the viewer, because we have to watch Mark Hamill "act" distraught the next half hour or so.

And more importantly, Kenobi screws Yoda, who at this stage of his career was just looking to retire peacefully in his swamp-side Dagobah bungalow and now has to instruct the soon-to-be wayward Skywalker.

DISHONORABLE MENTION

Morpheus  (Laurence Fishburne, The Matrix)

So, let me get this straight: Morpheus picks Neo out of the Matrix, tells him he’s the savior, and starts helping him learn kung-fu and stop bullets.

Fair enough, but then we learn Neo isn’t the one and Morpheus was just some sort of trash-talking prophet when Neo meets the architect. But then the Oracle tells Neo...you know what, forget it. No one cares.

THE BEST

Norman Dale, (Gene Hackman, Hoosiers)

Early in his Hickory coaching career, Coach Dale incurred the wrath of the Hickory townsfolk when he elected to go four-on-five instead of re-inserting a smart-mouthed insubordinate player. Right then and there you and the townsfolk knew Coach Dale meant business.

Sure, he had some problems in the past—something about hitting a former player—but in Hickory, Coach Dale showed amazing people skills when he gave local boozehound Shooter (Dennis Hooper) an assistant job with the stipulation that he stays sober.

Finally in the big state title game, Coach Dale was smart enough not to out-coach himself. When he doesn’t call the final play for his assassin-like two guard Jimmy Chitwood and the team reacts negatively, he quickly reverses course after Jimmy assures him with a stone serious, "I’ll make it."

Well played Coach Dale, well played.

Reggie ‘Reg’ Dunlop, (Paul Newman, Slap Shot)

Over-the-hill player-coach Reggie Dunlop, while self-admittedly not the best x-and-o guy or player motivator, pulled off both to great success in Slap Shot.

Reading the writing on the wall, Dunlop knew the Chiefs future in Charlestown was at best uncertain. So what does he do? He sells everyone a fish story about the team moving to Florida and scores a marketing master stroke by choosing to bring a new a style to the Chiefs that can best be described as "gooning it up."

Where others saw nothingness, Reg saw hope. Where others saw three geeks with tin foil taped to their hands, Reg saw the now-legendary Hanson Brothers. The blood and the wins came soon thereafter.

Also important to note: He did most of this wearing killer bell-bottoms and floor length leather jackets and driving a sweet muscle car. Bravo.

UNDERRATED

Paul Crewe (Burt Reynolds, The Longest Yard)

Crewe is another quality player-coach in the Reggie Dunlap mode. His number rule might have been "protect the superstar" (him) but when the inmates versus the guards game was on the line, he came through big time for the Mean Machine.

Not only did he resist the scumbag warden’s shady offer to play for the guards (and coincidentally bang his secretary), but he puts together, coaches, and scores the game winner for the inmates, knowing that that he will be screwed the rest of his time behind bars.

That my friend is what leadership is all about.

HONORABLE MENTION

Lou Brown (James Gammon, Major League)

Besides knowing how to manage a locker room full of different personalities (Cerrano and Eddie Harris? Please.), Brown knew how to motivate players. Like when he would tear a piece of clothing off of the life-size standup of the team’s trampy owner every time they won a game down the stretch. Or when he let moneybags third baseman Roger Dorn know exactly how he felt about a particular clause in his contract by relieving himself on it.

Crude? Yes.

Effective? Hell, yeah.

Delbert Grady (Phillip Stone, The Shining)

Certainly not a conventional choice, seeing that The Shining isn’t really a sports movie, but Grady is a solid choice nonetheless. Without Grady’s inspiration and guidance (remember he alerted Jack that Scatman Crothers was on his way up from Florida to cause problems), Jack’s season would’ve ended much earlier than he, or we for that matter, would’ve liked.

True, Jack let his emotions get the better of him causing him to eventually freeze to death in a hedge maze, but not because of any bad advice or game planning from the shrewd Grady.

Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau, The Bad New Bears)

Bringing his cooler of brew and not much else to Bears games, Buttermaker changes gears quickly when he recruits Amanda Whurlitzer, the ace pitcher daughter of an old girlfriend.

Through this one genius move that John Schuerholz would be jealous of, Buttermaker also gets the big stick the Bears lineup needs in bad seed outfielder, Kelly Leak. And before you can say Chico’s Bail Bonds, the Bears are on their way.

Not bad for a drunken pool cleaner.

That’s the list for now. Obviously, the selection process was both exhaustive and scientific. The above choices were only arrived at after many, many hours of research, debate, and data analysis. Special thanks to everyone at imdb.com.