Well, the National Football League has done it again. I thought they had created as much offseason drama as they possibly could, but I was wrong.
Training camp, preseason games, the draft, the scouting combine, the extensive library of NFL films, and the 24/7/365 coverage on NFL Network now keeps NFL fans satiated throughout the calendar year.
No other league narrates its games with a booming voice that classifies every game as "an epic battle: two teams of titanic proportions meeting on the gridiron for the right to call themselves champions."
Never mind that the game is between two 4-9 teams.
And now this: the NFL is building up drama surrounding the announcing of their schedule.
Other professional sports leagues announce their schedules with little to no fanfare. One day there's no schedule, and the next day, voila! It came from nowhere.
But not the NFL, it is too vain for that.
Unlike other leagues, the NFL must always be in the headlines. It must be grabbing your attention at all times. In the midst of the Masters, NHL Playoffs, NBA playoff races, and the start of baseball season, you must still pay attention to the almighty NFL, with its ever-important rule changes and upcoming draft.
You must watch a two-hour SportsCenter special unveiling the schedule from 2-4 p.m. Or, you can watch NFL Network for a similar show at the same time. Better yet, put two TVs side-by-side and watch simultaneously!
Are you serious? Creating drama about releasing a piece of paper with dates and times? Are we really that bored with life?
Perhaps the NFL has finally gone too far with their creating of drama. Perhaps Roger Goodell and the NFL marketing execs are the new drama queens, replacing T.O. and "Ocho Cinco" as the most attention-hungry personalities.
This whole unveiling of the schedule drama is absolutely and utterly ridiculous. In fact, it is so ridiculous that I am going to do something about it.
I am going to record both specials and watch them, just to see how lame the NFL's attempts at drama are.
No, I won't be watching to see how my beloved Steelers' schedule shapes up. I definitely have no interest in seeing how many prime-time games they have, and no way am I looking to see when their away games are so I can plan a road trip.
No, my viewing will be strictly research. There's no way I'm going to let the NFL suck me into its year-round drama. Not this time.
Now where is my remote?