(Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
Hey, bleacher creatures. This helmet bashing battle royale first ran in the Summer 2008 issue of Canada's couples bible, 2 Magazine.
Subtle rule differences and field dimensions aside, the battle of the small fry versus the 500-lb. gorilla on the line of scrimmage boils down to more than just one extra down.
Championship halftime show headliners
CFL: Last four—Theory of a Deadman, Lenny Kravitz, Nelly Furtado, and Black-Eyed Peas
NFL: Last four—Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, Prince, and The Rolling Stones
Touchdown: What is this, iTunes versus a used CD store? The Great White North wins the opening coin toss and chooses to kick off.
Kindergarten playground diss
NFL: “My dad told me CFL stands for ‘Canadian Frozen Leftovers?’”
CFL: “Shove it, ‘No Fun League’”
Touchdown: The Yanks draw blood in their first series. The touchdown celebration features Cincinnati showboat Ocho Cinco shivering.
Tempo
NFL: Four-Down Shuffle
CFL: Three-Down Hustle
Touchdown: It’s like Skynyrd said, “Gimme Three Steps.” The Canadians block the field goal. Besides, football is not the prom—the faster the dancing, the better.
Playoff picture
NFL: With only 12 of 32 teams qualifying, most fans are bummed and forced to jump onto their backup team's bandwagon.
CFL: With 6 of 8 teams moving on to the post season, the majority of fans are giddy with championship dreams.
Touchdown: Argos QB Kerry Joseph fires a cruise missile into the end zone. After the extra point, the CFL takes the lead.
Trophy tussle
NFL: The Vince Lombardi trophy is a Tiffany-fashioned sterling silver statuette of a laces-out, primed to boot football.
CFL: The Grey Cup is a sterling silver gridiron pitcher primed to be filled with cold beer and then chugged.
Touchdown: While the NFL’s ultimate bling sure is pretty, ole Grey’s utility wins the day.
Final score
The CFL seals the deal, 14-6, ending the age-old debate about which league gives better helmet.
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