Look at how big, cute and cuddly he is. He's like a 6'2" 325 pound teddy bear. I can't imagine anything better than spending one day with my favorite football team's biggest (literally) star.
Of course we'd spend most of the day walking around beautiful, sun-soaked Miami. We'd start off at his alma mater, the University of Miami, where Big Vince would regale me with tales of his college days.
I'd want to hear about his time from 2000-2004 at one of the country's premier football schools, back when Da U was Da U. He'd tell me about the raucous parties, about the laid back times chilling with his teammates. He'd tell me how they walked around with Big Man on Campus swagger, assured that they'd be first round picks (six were).
I'd want to hear about his times with the late Sean Taylor. How close the two were, and how tight the Hurricane family really is.
After getting emotional, I'd lighten things up for Vince, get him back in the party mood by asking him about his first few years in the NFL. I can only imagine how enjoyable it would be to win a Super Bowl your rookie and second seasons in the league.
I'd ask about his evolution as a player. Who did he learn from? How tough is Coach Belichick? Who's really the best dancer on the team?
As our day would draw to an end, I'd be forced to get serious on my man. "Yo, Vince," I'd say, "What's up with all those fines?"
He'd give me some Belichick-ian answer about playing hard and doing his best to stay in control. Really, he'd be thinking "Who the f&%# are you to be asking about that?"
It probably wouldn't get me a second dream date, but no hard feelings. Like I said, how can you not love a mug like that?