Hello and Welcome... Dear Cricket lovers!
We know it must be surprising and disorienting to hear this vague voice reaching out to you in the form of this article, but actually there is no reason to gape wide mouthed at this phenomena.
We are no strangers to each other; in fact we are more closer to you guys than you realise it at present. If you still haven't guess who we are, then it's a shame to us [redirected towards you] and our job status [read "employer"; being again You] that you fans don't recognise us, not to mention acute disappointment for the rendered services.
OK, OK, we quit "Beating round the bush" and letting the cat out of the bag manifest the fact we are none other than your "Beloved" [at least in our imagination you use that word] "Stumps and Bails."
Now, that introductions are dealt with; you will be wondering as to why the hell these stumps and bails are writing articles and how is it possible to write an article without hands, isn't it?
Patience...patience guys...patience! We will explain everything to you; that is, explaining why are we even bothering to make an effort to reach out to you.
But first, tell us the name of the original Dodo who invented the concept of carving us for making us stand behind them, Goliaths? Like we were the only ones available to guard him when he himself has a weapon to defend; the entire thought process is ludicrous!
What we mean to say is, doesn't anyone of you find the entire system as corrupted and one-sided towards the 13 [of course it's an unlucky number: FOR US!] dunces? You have umpires to officiate proceedings but they also overlook us; Why the hell is that happening?
The dumb Goliath, keeps shouting "Cover", "Cover" and just we are almost on the verge of getting the feeling of security and safety, than we realise that "Cover" means he wants to expose more of our skin, Damn him!
To add insult to injury, you guys also keep us wired and root us firmly into the ground as if we are suspected arsonists; we can't even cry peacefully after the onslaught that you force us to bear; let alone run from the scene you love the most!
But enough is enough this time! We have decided to retaliate and defend our social standing too, we are not your puppets to bow and cower down with your stupid bowling action and chuckings. We are honourable elements in the world and we will take every effort to curb your lashings on our physical self.
And to begin with the drastic reactive steps in this regard, we have decided that the next time, those "Genre-Specific" bowler [why do bowlers have specific genre? Does it signify their expertise in our execution process? ] intends to destroy one of our kith and kin, we will make sure that the extinct Dodo gets his come-uppance wherever he is!
This time, we are grouping ourselves together and forming a rebel army with the motto "An eye for an Eye!" The water has definitely... no...no...it's the ball [with a colour coding option] which has seeped through us.
Ah, colour coding... Bloody Hell! How could we forget that: It's like asking a prisoner on death row whether he would prefer death by Euthanasia or by hanging, as if it matters a great deal! In any case, the guy's death is inevitable, either one way or the other!
Sadists..that's what all you humans are: Pure Breeded Sadists! Till the very last bone in your body!
And this is where we wish to add our final word; please correct your erroneous ways, lest we decide to revolt and stage an uprising to curtail your monstrous and disregarding game plan; for heart-of-hearts, you yourself know that given the way the sport is proceeding now, a coup by the "Stumps and Bails" is something that will appear ridiculous; not to mention hugely humiliating to your so-called and highly pandered "Human Superiority Ego!"
PS: We won't let you in on the secret about our limbs; every player in a game should have a trump card, so that when the time comes; he wins the game more than just convincingly!