Miami's Outlook is Sunny with a Chance of Margaritas
Looking ahead to Miami's AFC East title defense season there are many uncertainties, but one thing is for sure. At some point in the year the Dolphins will be referred to as the Miami Margaritas by those hilarious commentators.
Mark my words, this will happen.
This Miami-Margarita love affair started as soon as Stephen Ross took over as head cheese of the Dolphins. Following his approved purchase of the team it was soon revealed that Ross is the biggest Parrot-head outside of you local college fraternity.
Okay, we get it. Jimmy Buffet is closely tied to the Keys, which are near Miami. His flower shirts and margaritas remind everyone living in cold weather climates of their Florida vacation.
His songs are catchy, well at least the two that have been beat into our heads for what seems like 50 years. So it makes sense to a degree to say "hey we like Buffet down here, we're fun, check us out."
But then it went overboard.
First news breaks of a Margarita-ville being built at Dolphin Stadium, um okay?
Then we hear of a Jimmy Buffet concert at the Stadium to announce something, oh no.
Then we hear it's to announce that our beloved Joe Robbie, or Dolphin Stadium, has been renamed Land Shark Stadium, oh God no. (For those of you who don't know, Land Shark is Buffet's new beer. Tasty, similar to Corona).
Once that final news was released Dolphin fans across the nation prepared for the impending storm of ridicule that was upon them.
Win or lose this year the Dolphins will win the award for most plays-on-words relating to the team. This two-headed monster of football meets advertising could be the death of the dolphins as we know it.
On one side we have the Tuna-fish. The strong Dolphin brass building a winning franchise around a core group of no-nonsense guys. Parcells to Sparano to Pennington worked last year and with the core of the team only getting better it is a bright future.
But if the 'Fins lose, look out. The most hyphenated words you have ever seen will be thrown at you from every which way possible.
It will start with a play on the team name. The Miami Margaritas, The Miami Ritas, The Jimmy Fins.
Then look out for such jewels as the the Ross-Ritas, Bill-Ritas, Wildcat Burgers, and well you get the idea.
So if you want an outlook on the season look no further than the two-headed monster leading the proud Miami franchise. Maybe they'll break even with the absolute worst schedule in the NFL.
Maybe they'll fold under the pressure of being the defending AFC East champs, maybe they'll respond with 12 wins. Being as it's only May there really is no way to tell.
"In Bill we Trust" worked last year for the Dolphins, but are we really supposed to start with a "With Jimmy we Trust?"
Let's just hope it doesn't come down to that.
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