Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal's Secret Pact (Humor)
Frankie’s News today exclusively reveals that Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer, the respective No. 1 and No. 2 ranked players in the world of men’s tennis, have been engaging in a number of private telephone conversations. These dialogues have been secretly recorded by an unknown person and offered to the world’s media for a six-figure sum.
Following intense negotiations late last night, Frankie’s News finally managed to secure a recording of the latest conversation between these two players. The files were purchased from a man referring to himself as a "Mr. D. Joker" (a pseudonym, we suspect).
We at Frankie’s News pride ourselves in being the best at breaking all the latest stories. One of our top journalists spent the early hours of this morning at his desk to provide you, our readers, with a transcription of the phone conversation. We thought that you would enjoy reading it whilst drinking your morning coffee.
Without further ado, here is the transcript:
Toni Nadal: Hola, dis is Uncle Toni speaking.
Roger Federer: Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Nadal. It’s Roger here. I was wondering if I could have a word with Rafa?
Toni Nadal: Roger Moore? Oh, I am very big fan of Meester Bond. I tink you are my favorito James Bond. Rafa will be very happy, no? He too like dee Martini shaken but wit no stirring!
Roger Federer: No, Mr Nadal. It is Roger Federer.
Toni Nadal (sounding disappointed): Oh, I very sorry. I will call Rafa. Not too long por favor. Rafa needs to go siesta. Very tuff match for him tomorrow, no?
Roger Federer: Sure, I won’t keep him long; but I thought he was playing Robin Soderling tomorrow? I’m sure it’s not going to be that "tuff" for him.
(Lots of shouting was heard as Toni called his nephew to the phone. It was all in Spanish, and unfortunately, we at Frankie’s News regret to inform you that we did not have enough time (or money) to hire a translator.)
Rafa Nadal: Hola, Roger! I very happy to talk with jou again. I wish I see jou more often, but you no make a final since Australia.
Roger Federer (sounding cross): No. Look, I wanted to ask you whether you had thought about what I said when I called you the other night.
Rafael Nadal: About dee French Open. Yeah, Roger, I tink about it, but I no tink is a bueno idea...
Roger Federer (sounding annoyed): Why not? Like I explained last time, no one will ever know, and it couldn't be a fairer deal. I’m offering you the US Open in exchange. Just let me get the last damn Slam missing from my résumé, and I'll allow you to get yours. Please remember that I am giving up a record of six-in-a-row at the US Open if you agree to the pact.
Rafael Nadal: I know dat, Roger, but Uncle Toni, he say…
Roger Federer: Oh no, not "Uncle Toni" again. I told you to keep him out of this. Why do you always have to listen to him? That’s one of the reasons I got rid of all my coaches, they just end up controlling your whole life. Rafa, you are nearly 23 years old. Surely you can decide for yourself?
Rafael Nadal: I know dat, Roger, but dee ting is…
Roger Federer (sounding exasperated): Yes?
Rafel Nadal (sounding sheepish): Well, I tink maybe jou no make it to dee finals dis year.
Roger Federer (exploding): What?! You think I, Roger Federer, 13-time Grand Slam champion, am not going to make it to the finals of any of the remaining Slams this year? Have you already forgotten who you had to beat in five sets to steal the trophy from in Melbourne? I can’t believe what I am hearing...
Rafael Nadal: Sorry, Rog. I only say dat for dee French and US Open, I still tink maybe jou get to dee Wimbledon final. But I tink dis year maybe I have chance for win at Calender Slam, no? So pact is bad for me, no?
Roger Federer (sounding sad): But I thought you always said that I was the best? That you were sure I was going to equal Pete’s record? Now you’re changing your mind?
Rafael Nadal: Well, ting is, that is what Uncle Toni tell me to say. I say to him dat maybe I am dee bess and he tell me, “Rafa, jou are never dee bess, always Roger.” So I muss say dat, even though it is not dee true. I tink maybe I will play Nole at dee French, jou at dee Wimbledon and Andy at dee US, no?
(With that, the phone conversation ended abruptly, as one of the two men slammed down the phone. We at Frankie’s News are guessing that it was probably Roger who hung up)
Many of our journalists have commented on the similarity between this attempted pact and the deal which is believed to have been struck between the two British politicians Tony Blair and Gordon Brown (known as the "Granita Pact").
But the "Fedal Pact," as the Federer-Nadal agreement is now known, appears to have been halted by either Rafa or Toni Nadal. It is not clear from the telephone recordings who is really responsible for putting a stop to it.
The "Granita Pact," on the other hand, although never confirmed, seems to have successfully taken place. In the deal, Blair and Brown are believed to have agreed that Brown would step down and allow Blair to become the Labour party’s leader. In return, Blair is thought to have promised Brown that if he successfully became the Prime Minister, he would step down after a period of time and hand over the power to Brown.
Frankie’s News would suggest that our readers follow the French Open to determine whether the "Fedal Pact" is actually legitimate. If Roger wins in Paris, we will presume that some sort of agreement was eventually reached.
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