Dear Brett Favre and the NFL: A Solution

(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

(Sigh)… it seems like only yesterday that I was
writing about Favre Retiring from Unretiring. Yet here we are again, the annual saga we’ve come to know and love. However, if you’ve come looking for an article debating whether or not the once great quarterback should play again, you’ve come to the wrong place.

On this page, I’m going to suggest to you guys an electrifying theory that I’ve been working on for about a year now. This is a big moment, here goes…

I PROPOSE THAT THE NFL, THE NFL NETWORK AND BRETT FAVRE FORMALISE THIS ANNUAL EVENT BY AGREEING A CONTRACT WHICH STATES FAVRE MUST RETIRE AND THEN UNRETIRE EVERY YEAR FOR THE NEXT DECADE.

I know, it’s controversial, terrifying and potentially ground breaking. But allow me to explain.

Firstly, what’s in it for Favre? Well, the big man has clearly struggled with not being the centre of attention and not playing football. With this contract, he gets every single movement he makes tracked for the whole of summer covered by the media and is then ensured loads of interest in him once the regular season gets underway.

And the NFL? Well, the NFL and the NFL Network have an enormous off-season to deal with. Heck, if I worked for either organisation, I’d be worried myself. How do you fill seven months of non-playing time with news stories when nothing is happening on the field?

The draft speculation fills up the majority of February through to the event itself, and post-draft reaction works well for a couple of weeks too.

But then May comes round and stories about how well the rookies are doing in their team’s minicamps become slightly dry, and the harsh reality of lack or stories available becomes clear.

And this is where my plan will come to the rescue. I feel like Poirot does every time he is about to reveal that he knew who the perpetrator was all along as I reveal my conspiracy suggestion. So Deep breath…here goes…

1) Favre retires. This is an essential part of the process, obviously.

By having a contract, we can look forward to it each year, bet on which franchise is taking Favre for the year, and not have the dread of wondering whether or not the saga is going to take place

2) Whisperings begin that suggest Favre is missing the game and that he might want to play again. These rumours then get responded to with a half-hearted denial. This year’s entry: ‘At this time, I am retired and have no intention or returning to football.’ Excellent. Truly perfect. 9.26/10 on the Favre Unretirement Denial Scale.

3) I just remembered that Brett’s middle name is Lorenzo. That’s quite funny.

4) Teams begin to be linked with Favre, this year it’s the Vikings. The coach of the said team will neither confirm nor deny that they will sign Brett, but will pointedly suggest that the situation is ‘something we’re looking at’.

5) Favre’s agent sets out Favre’s case for a return to football e.g. "he might want to play again blah blah blah."

6) The media storm is now truly up and running. All parties allow speculation to reach fever pitch and wait until the very last minute to reveal that the big man will indeed join up with a franchise.

The process takes a few months, right up to the start of training camps (at the earliest), or preseason.

By having a contract, we can look forward to it each year, bet on which franchise is taking Favre for the year, and not have the dread of wondering whether or not the saga is going to take place (which is arguably the worst part of the current process).

I’ve been waiting to get this idea off my chest for a good year now. What do you guys reckon?

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