Los Angeles Dodgers

Top Ten Ways Manny Ramirez Ingested Performance Enhancing Drugs/Steroids

SAN DIEGO, CA- APRIL 6:  Manny Ramirez #99 of the Los Angeles Dodgers scores against the San Diego Padres during their Opening Day game on April 6, 2009 at Petco Park in San Diego, California. (Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images)
Brian ScottCorrespondent IMay 7, 2009

With news out of L.A. suggesting that Manny Ramirez dabbled into steroids, or PEDs, I have created a list of the most likely ways that Manny erroneously doped:

10: Manny was being Manny.

9: Was told it was a Swine Flu preventative.

8: As part of his parting gift from Theo Epstein, the basket included "vitamins."  Manny thought it should have had a real label and not sharpie ink on the bottle, but Manny does not actually think before acting.

7: The Dodgers strength and conditioning intern told him that this supplement would make up for getting a late start in spring training.

6: Scott Boras is his agent.

5: Accident? Who are we kidding? He knew.

4: Scott Boras is still his agent.

3: Manny received new hair conditioner whilst at home in the offseason. The packaging touts "stronger hair." Since Manny's strands only get the rare wash, to preserve his appearance, the conditioner seeps in, absorbed by his pours. Little does he know the increased strength is from PEDs.

2: He is a professional baseball player, it was no accident.

1: Manny Ramirez receives a delivery. The package includes a note and blunt. The note reads, "Dear Manny—I am sorry the way things played out up in Boston. I wish we could have competed more often against each other and perhaps been friends. Good luck in L.A.! I hope this eases some of the stress associated with the move! Affectionately yours, A-Rod" 

Bam!

Weed laced with roids, A-Rod out of the spot light.

 

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