Olympics Purchased by Clay Bennet and Promptly Moved to Oklahoma City

Andrew PalumboSenior Analyst IApril 8, 2008

Under recent fire for purchasing the Seattle SuperSonics under false pretenses and planning to re-locate the 41 year-old franchise to Oklahoma City, owner Clay Bennett has purchased the Olympics.

Despite spending 45 minutes trying his hardest to keep the Olympic Summer Games in China, he has exhausted all other avenues and sees no other recourse but to move the games to Oklahoma City.

Bennett demanded that China build a brand new $15 trillion stadium in place of the state-of-the-art facilities which are just being finished for this summer's games.

When this reporter caught up to NBA Commissioner David Stern, I was told, "This is a great day for the Olympics, China, the United States, and Oklahoma City."  In completely unrelated news, it has recently been discovered that, in 1962, David Stern lost a $100 billion poker bet (nine-high card) to Clay Bennett (full house) during a kegger at their fraternity.

In a yearbook we were able to obtain from their college years, Clay Bennett's superlative simply said: "Most likely to be a huge douchebag."  Bennett never graduated, however, because he claims he had "a few problems in math."

Clay Bennett believes that the Olympics will draw a much larger crowd in Oklahoma City (population of 1.2 million) than in China (population of 1.3 billion). 

When asked what he would do with the rights to the Olympics, Bennett explained that he would change the name of the Olympics, the colors, and the outdated logos.  Tomorrow he is set to unveil the new logo to the international games he has named: "That Really Cool Sports Thing in Oklahoma that's Cooler than the Olympics and the SuperSonics Combined".

The last question asked of Bennett was what did he have to say to the billions of Chinese citizens who had worked so hard to support the event originally planned for Beijing.

His answer:

"Simple, the same thing I said to Seattle before I saved their basketball team from that city.... 'F&@* You!'." 


P.S. - We all support you Seattle!