Under recent fire for purchasing the Seattle SuperSonics under false pretenses and planning to re-locate the 41 year-old franchise to Oklahoma City, owner Clay Bennett has purchased the Olympics.
Despite spending 45 minutes trying his hardest to keep the Olympic Summer Games in China, he has exhausted all other avenues and sees no other recourse but to move the games to Oklahoma City.
Bennett demanded that China build a brand new $15 trillion stadium in place of the state-of-the-art facilities which are just being finished for this summer's games.
When this reporter caught up to NBA Commissioner David Stern, I was told, "This is a great day for the Olympics, China, the United States, and Oklahoma City." In completely unrelated news, it has recently been discovered that, in 1962, David Stern lost a $100 billion poker bet (nine-high card) to Clay Bennett (full house) during a kegger at their fraternity.
In a yearbook we were able to obtain from their college years, Clay Bennett's superlative simply said: "Most likely to be a huge douchebag." Bennett never graduated, however, because he claims he had "a few problems in math."
Clay Bennett believes that the Olympics will draw a much larger crowd in Oklahoma City (population of 1.2 million) than in China (population of 1.3 billion).
When asked what he would do with the rights to the Olympics, Bennett explained that he would change the name of the Olympics, the colors, and the outdated logos. Tomorrow he is set to unveil the new logo to the international games he has named: "That Really Cool Sports Thing in Oklahoma that's Cooler than the Olympics and the SuperSonics Combined".
The last question asked of Bennett was what did he have to say to the billions of Chinese citizens who had worked so hard to support the event originally planned for Beijing.
His answer:
"Simple, the same thing I said to Seattle before I saved their basketball team from that city.... 'F&@* You!'."
P.S. - We all support you Seattle!
13 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago
Save the Sonics!
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George D about 1 year ago
That is an awesome article. Clay Bennett is a douche and will hopefully end up getting screwed. Save the Sonics! (And that's from a Blazer's die-hard).
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Pirate Soldier about 1 year ago
Shawn Kemp should get all his illigetimate children, a big bag of drugs and go after Bennett with sharpened sticks.
SAVE THE SONICS!
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Steve Hunt about 1 year ago
I was at the state Capitol here in OKC yesterday, trying to get legislatures to say HELL NO to the latest gift of $60-$100m to these hoodlums. An old guy working the tourist info booth hollared at me, aware of my efforts and gave me all kinds of great dirt on McClendon. I didn't know what a saladpuncher he was with regards to past business dealings, but apparently he's just another George "Dubya!" Bush...only he married in....anyway there is this big housing complex here he helped start, and apparently he went so far over that his father-in-law (Gaylord) banned him from the development site...."why the hell did my daughter marry an idiot like you!!!!" he cried...
The guy is scum, as are the other owners.
-Steve Hunt
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Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago
Steve,
Aren't you aware that "everyone" in Oklahoma City welcomes the "new" basketball franchise being sent to your fair city? As the owners of the soon-to-be-the-team-formerly-known-as-the-SuperSonics tell it, you folks are unanimously clamoring to pay ridiculous taxes for a brand new arena, moving expenses, and whatever else the greedy bastards can sneak out of the state's pocket.
I'm very glad you commented here Steve, because one of the untold stories in the mainstream media is the fact that there are many people in Oklahoma who are just as unwilling to see their state wastefully pay the costs for a few rich men and their basketball team.
Also, you've taught me a new word: "saladpuncher".
Thank you for your passionate post and a new addition to my vocabulary (that I hopefully won't have to use too often).
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Zack Daverman about 1 year ago
This is a funny article... but Key Arena really is outdated and Stern and Bennett aren't the only ones who have said so. It's business. I feel sorry for seattle fans but can't help to be happy for Oklahoma City. I still have mixed emotions... being from Tulsa (Oklahoma's other big city) I can't help but feel a little jealous.
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Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago
Good points Zach. However, being on the losing side of a popular sports team's (The Whalers) removal from a solid fan base (Hartford), to Nowheresville, NC... I felt a satirical show of support was due to the dedicated fans from Seattle. Having a favorite team for over four decades get ripped from its fanbase, deserves at least a little support from those of us who haven't had to deal with this as of late. But point taken about the fact that there's much to be happy for in Oklahoma City. I can't help but salivate at how much other NBA teams are going to mark Oklahoma games on their schedule as statement games to show their owners how eggregious it was that they all allowed this to happen. Who knows maybe Durant will put Oklahoma City on the map... more than likely though he'll probably flee for greener pastures and a historic career (anywhere but Oklahoma). But thanks for the read and the comments, those are just my two cents.
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Mark Spencer about 1 year ago
You might not like what a small group of businessmen are doing, but there is really no point in insulting a million people that live in OKC with the picture from the 1930s (or displaying geographical bigotry). Yes, that must be what things are really like in Oklahoma in 2008.
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Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago
Mark,
No offense, but this was clearly an attempt at satire. If I showed a real picture of Oklahoma City, it would look just like any other city and wouldn't be nearly as funny. I apologize if you didn't get the joke or didn't like it, but we all poke fun around here. If I were to complain every time somebody panned the Boston accent or used the outdated stereotype that the city is somehow racist, I'd have the most posts on the site.
Along with a real sports team comes real trashtalking. This wasn't even harsh, since I tried not to offend and make lame "redneck" jokes or something similarly outdated. So consider it a welcoming to the professional sports community. I've got to say though, Oklahoma has some pretty big shoes to fill, the Sonics have always been well-supported and, well... I didn't give the OK area the nickname the "dustbowl".
Honestly though, this piece was complete satire so I hope your feelings were not hurt.
One last comment though... look up "geographical bigotry" in the dictionary and after the definition it will state "(see Fans, Sports)".
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Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago
Forgot to mention Mark, good call on the 1930s.
Just to clear it up for everyone else, the picture above is NOT of current day Oklahoma. In fact, it is a photograph taken by Arthur Rothstein in April of 1936 entitled "Farmer and sons walking in the face of a dust storm. Cimarron Couty, Oklahoma."
If any of you happen to be perusing through the Library of Congress, you can find it in:
American from the Great Depression to World War II: Photographs from the FSA-OWI, 1935-1945.
That's my lesson of the day kids!
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Jammin J about 1 year ago
Thanks for the funny article Andrew. Being a seattle nba follower right now, there isn't to much to smile about. There are alot of pointing fingers at old ownership, the legislature, the governor, the city, and the new ownership - but one thing is consistent in all of this - it's the fans of this team who have followed them for years who are getting screwed.
As far as not doing enough - building a stadium has much to do with politics and playing the political game. Schultz (previous owner) did a horrible job of doing that (as well as running a basketball operation). So his solution was to sell only after a few short years of ownership. And who does he sell to, an out of towner!! And this new ownership group, all they asked for was the most expensive arena in the country with no said input from them. The only option with Clay was a $500 Million dollar arena with $100 revenue to go to him. AND, while was arguing for this in the legislature, his financial plan was non-existent. Other than a PR firm with some nice drawings, and some general numbers - the plan was, well - there was no concrete plan.
compare that to what Paul Allen did to keep the Seahawks, and to build Quest Field and it is night and day compared to what these guys did. Allen had people in Olympia talking to everyone for months on straight, going through detailed numbers, finding solutions, making compromises. Nothing which was offered to Bennett.
If Clay would have just reached out to local business leaders as well, that would have made the difference. I guess many of us were naive to take Clay at his word and thought he would find a way to make it work. We all know now that Seattle was NEVER give a fair chance.
Somewhere down the road, I do hope OKC gets a team - but for those jumping up and down in glee to have taken THIS team - I would hope there would be a little shame in your heart.
Again, thanks for the light hearted article.
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Anonymous about 1 year ago
"$100 revenue to go to him."
should be:
100% revenue to go to him.
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Ballzak Rocker about 1 year ago
Great article, thank you!
Twice in the past ten days I've been to Sonic games at the Key. Twice now I've been treated to some of the finest basketball a young team like the Sonics can play. The play on the court and the energy of the building was the most exciting I've experienced in a long time around here. Damn. The Sonics belong in Seattle! The Key was already hopping when they showed that my favorite Sonic of ALL time in the crowd... Gary Payton was in the house. Where the hell has GP been? I don't know. But I do know that he showed up last night to lend his support to the Save Our Sonics campaign. He doesn't want the Supes to go to OKC, just like Dallas owner Mark Cuban who is right to point out that with an NBA team in OKC there would be a plethora of teams in that part of the country while the entire Northwest would only have one team. That sucks. Clay sucks. Screw Clay.
screwclay.com
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