Favreohrrhea On The Loose Again (Satire)

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Favreohrrhea On The Loose Again (Satire)
(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

While the H1N1 ("Swine Flu") virus is dominating the headlines, there is another illness that is even more malevolent once again on the loose.  It is called Favreorrhea. 

Those most inclined to contract this illness are NFL executives and coaches, although it mostly manifests itself in coaches with sub-par quarterbacks. 

But, no coach is completely safe since it has been known to surface even in coaches who have good quarterbacks, as was the case when it struck New Jersey.

While New Jersey is recovering from the last outbreak, there are rumors of a new endemic in Minnesota

While it was thought that the illness had been confined and eliminated after the latest disastrous outbreak, that no longer appears to be the case.  How it spread so fast has not been determined. 

The Center for Disease Control is currently studying some of the latest victims in an attempt to develop a vaccine, although it is doubtful it will finish its work in time to help Minnesota. 

But, it appears likely a vaccine will be in place before it breaks out in other likely future spots.  The CDC plans to send its first shipments of the vaccine to Detroit, California's Bay Area, and Cleveland.

The symptoms are mostly confined to delusions, paranoia, and a rash of interceptions.  Although in its final deadliest stage, it almost always results in a fractured locker room, a declining legacy, and a fired coach.   

There is a related less toxic form of the illness called Favryllhis that mostly affects members of the sports media. 

The primary symptom of this illness is the uncontrollable desire to spend all waking moments writing about and talking about former Packers quarterback Brett Favre.

There is no known cure at this time, although rumors have it Favreorrhea eventually burns itself out after one football season plagued by interceptions, one of the illness’ more visible symptoms.  

An after effect of Favreorrhea is that football fans in the city of the outbreak tend to have a lower opinion of former Packers quarterback Brett Favre, but it is not known why this happens.  There may be some relation between the illness and that quarterback.

As for its less dangerous cousin, Favryllhis, there is no evidence yet that the illness ever goes away.

Rumor has it that people living in Green Bay, Wisc., are disturbed by the continued existence of this illness and are particularly horrified at the possibility it might be surfacing in nearby Minnesota.

Has Minnesota Vikings’ coach Brad Childress already contracted Favreohrrea?  And, if he has, is it too late for him to recover?  Only time will tell, but the initial prognosis does not look good.     

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