Building a Total Footballer from the Parts of Manchester United's Squad Players
Some footballers strive for physical perfection. To be the fittest, the fastest and the strongest on the field.
At Old Trafford, there are the fit, the fast and the strong, and a number of highly intelligent players too.
This article will seek to build a total footballer from the parts of United's squad players.
The final result is one even Victor Frankenstein would be proud of.
Brain: Ryan Giggs
Footballing intelligence is a trait that is often overlooked in the game.
A footballer can have all the physical prowess in the world, but if he can't use his head in the right way come game time, he is destined to fail.
In selecting a brain for this total footballer, I've plucked for Ryan Giggs. The Red Devils' elder statesman.
The 39-year-old plays with a total awareness of those around him, while also being able to see a defence-splitting pass a mile off.
He has reinvented himself time and time again. Age has proved to be no barrier to his success. His legs may have gone, but his brain power has only increased.
Head: Nemanja Vidic
This bastardised creation needs a strong noggin. For this, I've gone with Nemanja Vidic.
The Serbian brute has been a rock in the Manchester United defence since joining the club from Spartak Moscow in 2006.
He is one of the toughest footballers on the planet, and he looks it. One wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley.
Vidic is also an elite aerial player. He dominates his penalty area with his good leap and immense strength.
If I were to guess, I would say his forehead is made from Serbian steel.
Whether he leaves Old Trafford or not this summer, Anderson will remain a cult favourite in Manchester.
He plays with a boundless enthusiasm for the game, throwing himself around the field without a care in the world.
He is still the flawed player he was when he moved from Porto in 2007, but this can be attributed to devastating injuries and arguably being played out of position.
The Brazil international has immense charm and personality. His wide grin may be visible from space.
Though he doesn't score often, the look of pure joy on his face is worth the wait.
Torso: Antonio Valencia
When Antonio Valencia joined Manchester United from Wigan Athletic in 2009, he was a quick, but not-so-durable winger.
After a few months of intensive training at Carrington, he transformed into an Expendable.
His hulking upper body looks imposing for full-backs. But it's usually the Ecuadorian's legs that take him past them on the dribble.
A shame that Valencia had a poor 2012/13 season. He was probably the Red Devils' best player in the prior campaign.
He is a shy lad off the pitch and unlikely to use his imposing physical frame in any bar fights.
Hands: David de Gea
Due to a relative lack of suitable personnel, this one is a relatively straightforward call.
David de Gea's hands will be removed and transplanted onto this total footballer, should he ever need to play the position of goalkeeper in the game.
The Spanish shot-stopper is coming off a fantastic campaign for the Red Devils, defying the naysayers who called him a liability between the sticks.
His reflexes are excellent, as is his strong grip, which is often needed to hold on to blistering shots.
If he continues down his current path, De Gea could eventually be considered a legend like Peter Schmeichel and Edwin van der Sar.
Legs: Wayne Rooney
As an unabashed fan of the Red Devils, it pains me to speak well of Wayne Rooney at present.
The English forward has done a great service to the club, but his current wantaway intentions seem confused and misguided.
This being said, I'll gladly take his legs to fill out my total footballer.
Rooney is an engine on the pitch, covering every blade of grass with his passion to get involved. In form, he is also capable of unleashing powerful shots on goal from a great distance.
We'll have to wait and see if his legs, and the rest of his body, line up again in the red of United.
Feet: Robin van Persie
We now come to the final part of out total footballer, and perhaps the most important.
In terms of selecting two feet, it came down to a three-way battle between Shinji Kagawa, Javier Hernandez and Robin van Persie, but it was the latter who triumphed.
The Dutchman is one of the best technical players in the game—an adroit forward.
His shots usually hit their target. His ball control is as close at it comes. His passing is also prodigious for a player of his position.
Robin van Persie's feet will score a few more goals for the Red Devils in seasons to come.
What other body parts would you consider for this total footballer? Who would they come from?