Sports Blogging Cliques And Neil Lomax

Danny CarberryContributor IMay 1, 2009

4 July 1999:  Neil Lomax watches the ball after hitting it during the Celebrity Golf Campionships at the Edgewood Tahoe Golf Course in Stateline, Nevada. Mandatory Credit: Harry How  /Allsport

Sports Blogging Cliques and Neil Lomax

As I spend about 75 percent of my time elsewhere from my home in Syracuse, I have a lot of time to skim the world of sports blogs that are extremely prevalent on the fad that is, gleaming the sports blog.

I am often thunderstruck by the amount of homers that have the time to write about their favorite sports teams, Pro wrestling stars, scandalous athletes and Dirt track racing (Yep, Dirt Track Racing). But, as I write this I seem to find my own time to blab about everything and anything.

I don't read many sports blogs, but always get my daily Syracuse fix from the likes of Nunes Magician, Three Idiots on Sports, Orange44, and a few of the other nice local reads. After reading some of the blogging elite, I have noticed a few cliques that every good sports blogger must follow to be in flophouse of the online top drawer.

*Note, we don't really consider ourselves sports bloggers for a variety of reasons. First, we have horrible writing skills and often forget to use spellcheck. Second, we have writing ADD and get extremely inattentive of writing about a single topic. Third, we don't actually read Box Scores. Nuf-Nuf.*

In Hump fashion, here are the Top Five Sports Cliques in creating a fruitful sports blog:

1. Recap, Recap, Recap

Sports Bloggers LOVE to recap. They will often recap, recaps and their readers will summarize the recap in a post. They will read summaries from the AP, ESPN, CNNSI, and other sports blogs and put together a nappy opinion piece. You can pull a paragraph from the original piece and add your creative slant with a pinch of contempt. This is a great way to pull your "unique" thoughts into a template of blogging unity on your site.

ESPN - Alex Rodriquez goes 3-4 with 5 RBI's as the Yankees roll past the Indians.

Blogger - The Steroid-infested latin hero goes balls deep as the Bombers scalp the Redmen from O-hio.

2. Rarefied Stats for your readers

Oh Nelly, if you can grab your Texas Instrument calculator and do some basic algebra to find the "Holy Grail" of stats that hasn't been presented to the masses by the media, you're Golden bro.

It takes a lot of time to put this research together and TheSportHump would recommend getting out and meeting the ladies instead of doing this research. I'm always impressedworried about these types, but you can make those who may check out your nook of the intertube, feel inspired that Syracuse has only one three games in February during a Democratically controlled congress.

Again, we recommend getting laid, not pulling stats.

ESPN - Last night, Zack Grienke won his fifth game of the year in his fifth start, but he broke his string of starts allowing no earned runs. Turns out he set the record for most starts allowing no runs and getting the win from the start of a season (1954 to present)

Blogger - Last night, Zack Grienke won his fifth game of the year in his fifth start, but he broke his string of starts allowing no earned runs. At the same time, Sting of TNA wrestling won the TNA World Championship, which turns out he set the record for most starts and Wrestling titles to switch hands since 1972 when Bruno Samartino beat Rene Goulet Sr. in Omaha for the vacant AWA title.

3. You are one clever Sonafa

Clever nicknames? Check. Witty Banter? Check. Caption contests? Check. These bloggers are Tip-Top of the Aristocratic world of Sports Bloggers. It started with Deadspin and Sports By Brooks and all of a sudden, everyone is an online sports comedian getting more Pooncommenter's than Vanilla Ice at an Elks Club in Sandy Creek this past summer.

They are loving this blogging life and getting "LOL's" and "LMFAO's" from their followers that love to send some quick comments to show the writer, " I [sic] hear you and right back at you, King Clever."

ESPN - Former Sixer Armen Gilliam has just been arrested for soliciting an off duty police officer in Arizona.

Blogger - Charmin' Armen Gilliam requests that some bitch should "Squeeze his Charmin'"

4. Link Me And I'll Link You Back

I will suck your D*&! for a link! Even though you haven't met most of the people you have linked, they are all of a sudden your "Online Friends."

Sports blogging is the Second Life or JDate of online Sportsery. By the writing style and interests of your friends, you have developed this unique accord that you probably shouldn't tell the person that is having sex with you.

*I repeat, do not tell anyone you care about, or that gives you frequent HJ's that you have online friends that you haven't met.*

You will bait your newly found pals by linking them time and time again until you can rabblersouse an online conversation via commenting. You will catch yourself saying things like, "My good friends over at "......

5. Playa Hate the Traditional Media

[Sic] Bud Poliquin!

Since you probably don't have credentials to ask coaches and athletes nonsensical questions, you can poke fun at these bastards for asking the coach how he feels after losing a game. You can be the Fox News of sports outlets and always blame the mainstream media for all of sports wrongdoings.

You must hate on ESPN favorites, Woody Paige, Skip Bayless, Jim Rome and Colin Cowherd. These guys will become your mortal enemy and you will then post often about the absurdity of their rants.

*Our shitty little site often participates in these activities and has surrendered all time and effort to build a credible sports related blog. We are just a couple of schmucks that enjoy fast women, cold beer, Burt Reynolds and the whereabouts of former Cardinals quarterback Neil Lomax.*

Until then, enjoy Sports Blogging~

Lou and Poncho

P.S.~ [Sic] Skip Bayless