The University of Minnesota Somehow Lost Money Selling Booze to College Students
Finite Math supplement books are now selling better than booze at the University of Minnesota.
Yes, somehow, some way, an institute of higher education managed to come up in the red after an entire football season of selling beer to young adults who truly want nothing else in the world on a fall Saturday afternoon or night.
Deadspin reports that after signing a deal with national concessionaire Aramark, the university began selling beer at Golden Gophers home games in TCF Bank Stadium, and the end result was a $16,000 net loss for the school.
"I think it was a surprise we lost money,” said David Benedict, the school’s executive associate athletic director. "We were not happy when we realized the fact that we had not shown a net profit."
How does that happen? I’m no thermodynamics expert, but I know we have rules in this world, and this is one of them:
(Drunk college students) plus (alcohol vendors) equals (student loan money thrown at you).
This isn’t going to code. There’s a glitch in the matrix here, and it’s probably the fact that buying stadium beer is a lot like getting a divorce. Both deal with a hefty sum of money changing hands that neither party believes the other deserves, and it generally only occurs after all other possibilities have been exhausted.
There’s also the crying. Don’t forget about the crying.
So yes, the likely problem here is the cost of the beer, which Minnesota was selling at $7.25 a pop. It’s not a $12 cup of Wrigley Field regret, but it’s a heady price for any college kids looking to staunch their cash hemorrhaging and spend their indebted money wisely.
Who’s to blame in this scenario? The university, obviously, for multiple reasons.
First off, there’s something to be said about an institution that charges college students money for an education and then double-pumps them for tickets and beer at games. That’s a winning racket.
With that being said, the real problem here is the university’s overestimation of its stadium security. If you went to college, you’ll know this—college kids possess a wily, low cunning that’s almost impossible to hinder. They have a will to drink cheaply, and they’ll find a way to pilfer their own goods into the stadium.
Alas, beer will continue to be sold at TCF Bank Stadium, as Minnesota has renegotiated a deal with Aramark that reimburses the university $37,000 for its own failure to sell beer.
The beer price is too damn high.
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