(Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)
28 APRIL 2009, TRAFFORD PARK, MANCHESTER - Ahead of Manchester United's Champions League clash with Arsenal this week, reports suggest that there has been a security breach at the home ground of the mighty Red Devils early this morning.
Among things reported missing from the historical stadium include Cristiano Ronaldo’s left football boot and his unused NikePro suit (as seen in the commercial). A horde of the Portuguese winger’s fans were seen crying a river outside the stadium when word spread that even his firm-hold hair gel has been found stolen as well.
Other United players around the scene of the crime, too, seem deeply affected by Cristiano Ronaldo’s bleak hair-styling future, with Nani being on the brink of breaking down at the thought of the tragedy that has befallen his countryman. Concerns in regards to Cristiano's performance on the pitch trailing from this mishap seems to be on the rise among the coaching staff in Manchester.
Further to that, Wayne Rooney has come forward and claimed that three pairs of his game-day underwear have been burgled as well, much to his distress and annoyance. It is certainly hoped that the culprit who’s pinched the Englishman’s undies never gets caught by the man himself. It is almost a given that Rooney would be issued more than a red card for what he’ll do to the underwear bandit.
Our reporters also noted that Dimitar Berbatov was spotted walking back and forth restlessly in the background of police siren lights when news broke out about the possibility that he may have had his hairband stolen as well in this morning’s incident.
His teammates were seen giving him words of support during this difficult time. Well, all of them except Carlos Tevez who seemed particularly emotionless even though his fellow striker’s footballing destiny has been cast into a shadow of uncertainty now that he has lost his hairband. We wonder why.
However, most crucial of all, although the Barclay's Premier League trophy is safe and sound underneath Sir Alex’s desk in his office, insiders have passed on news to the media that the European Champions League trophy has gone missing!
Our sources have an unconfirmed sighting of the culprit being detained by the authorities a few miles from Old Trafford just before he was about to cross the county border.
The morning was still dark when the our photographers managed to take a snapshot of police nabbing the rogue and we are still unable to identify the culprit at the moment.
Below is the mentioned photo and we strongly urge any of our readers who may know the mystery identity of this person to come forward and assist police efforts in putting this case to rest and returning United’s Champion’s League trophy back where it belongs.
Disclaimer: This story is not true at all. Gerrard did not steal the Champions League trophy. None of the United player’s belongings were stolen. The Premier League trophy is kept in a high-security level area and not under the boss’ desk. Berbatov did not lose his hairband (phew!!!).
But the part where Rooney would totally pulverize someone whom he catches taking his belongings could possibly be true. This story was made up because I found this funny picture of Gerrard on the Internet while I was stuck in the office overnight (long story) one night and decided to write a funny story to entertain myself.
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Ulrik Fredrik also tries and mostly succeeds at blogging daily at Man Utd Musings (http://www.newmanutd.com)
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