WWE Worst of the Week: Sheamus, Orton and More

Andy Soucek@Andy_SoucekFeatured ColumnistMay 5, 2013

WWE Worst of the Week: Sheamus, Orton and More

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    Sometimes, it can be a little challenging to come up with five things in WWE that were lousy.

    After all, they can't always do a bunch of stupid things every single week can they?

    Well, sadly these past seven days were too easy to find some glaringly idiotic moments. 

    It's becoming insane how much thinner the product is being spread with the recent addition of the Divas show and the Yahoo! pregame show. Add that to the already six-and-a-half-hours of first-run programming every week, and it can be a lot to take in.

    It seems as if those in charge of WWE are having their attention spread in too many directions and end up putting embarrassing non-wrestling competitions on their flagship show just to fill up time.

    At some point, maybe, just maybe, Vince McMahon should think of not adding any more new content and just focus on what he has.

    But, he hasn't, so that's what this list is for, to point out the awful, terrible, no good, very bad wrestling moments of the week. So sit back, order a pizza online and get ready to relive WWE's worst of the week.

    Let's hope that the next one will be better. 

No. 5: Manager vs. Manager vs. Bodyguard

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    To be fair, the intro of Raw with Zeb Colter vs. Big. E. Langston vs. Ricardo Rodriguez was actually a pretty creative way to start the show.

    However, it was also a bit odd for various reasons. Late in the match we had some interference, and the announcers claimed that since it was a triple-threat match, it was no disqualification. They acted as if we should have already known this.

    I don't recall ever hearing this rule, and the wrestlers didn't seem to know either.

    If it was no DQ, then why didn't Swagger, Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler just get involved physically from the start? Why didn't they beat their opponents with chairs, stun guns or harpoons? 

    There was a lot on the line too, as the winner got to name the stipulation at Extreme Rules. Had Ziggler won, he could have had his opponents wrestle blindfolded, handcuffed and made them eat a gallon of tapioca pudding beforehand. 

    So even if we try to look past that, WWE should have left it as a one and done. They decided to go back to the well of the managers fighting. 

    Call me crazy, but the novelty of seeing Zeb Colter "wrestling" has already worn off. Can we just get back to actual wrestlers wrestling? 

    To top things off, we had six men in the ring. Two of them who aren't actual full-time wrestlers. So who did WWE pick to submit in that match? The World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler. 

No. 4: Dancing with the Midcard

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    The WWE universe needs to have their voting privileges taken away forever.

    For decades now, they've shown absolutely no ability to be impartial. Somehow, they always end up choosing the face over the heel in whatever ridiculous competition the company comes up with.

    This past week, they made their most egregious voting mistake ever when they chose The Great Khali and Natalya over Fandango and Summer Rae in a dance-off.

    I'm not trying to sound too mean here, but The Great Khali can barely walk, let alone dance. 

    It would have been amazing if the fans would have booed the duo out of the building, and then maybe for once in his 67-year life, Vince McMahon would have gained some level of self-awareness and begin to realize that he is the only one actually entertained by those segments. 

    And if WWE truly cares about its fans, why couldn't it have given us the chance to not have a dance-off at all?

No. 3: Tug of Bore

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    WWE has billed Mark Henry as the "World's Strongest Man" for over 15 years.

    So why are they now choosing instead to push him as the "World's Most Gullible" man?

    On Raw, we witnessed a tug-of-war contest. WWE must be having withdrawals from its awful NXT days, as it seems to have decided it needed more asinine contests that make their wrestlers look foolish.

    Anyway, besides how terrible these segments are in the first place, Henry has seemed like the babyface in his feud with Sheamus.

    On Raw, he cleanly defeated Tensai and Brodus Clay in a tug-of-war match, and then had to take on a third man. 

    That rascal Sheamus then played the Lucy to Henry's Charlie Brown and tricked him into taking him on next when Henry clearly knew he was up to no good.

    Then, when Sheamus was going to lose the contest cleanly, he decided to kick Henry in the face! The next week on SmackDown, Sheamus still showed that he's a sore loser when he lost an arm-wrestling competition and then kicked Henry unprovoked again!

    Remember when Mark Henry screwed over Ryback during their weight-lifting competition? That was a jerk move then, and now Sheamus has pulled that one twice. 

    I can't wait until next week until they have a jump-rope contest or pillow fight where Sheamus decides to be a crybaby and punk out Henry when he's losing again. 

No. 2: Rhodes vs. Orton

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    Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton had a good, hard-hitting, 16-minute match on Raw.

    So then why does it make the worst of the week?

    Because it was 16 minutes of a match in which no one believed that Cody Rhodes would actually win. It's a symptom of the majority of WWE television these days, as there was also no story coming in or out of it.

    We've seen Orton defeat Rhodes plenty of times before, so the extended length of the match this time was completely arbitrary.

    Just last week, we saw Rhodes job to Sweet T in a matter of minutes. Then on Raw, it took 16 minutes for one of the best wrestlers on the entire roster to beat him. 

    Now, if WWE was going to create a story, and say put over how impressive Rhodes was against Orton, that would at least be something. Instead, the only reason that the match was 16 minutes long was because they needed to kill time on a three-hour show. 

    With ring entrances and post-match, Rhodes vs. Orton probably took up about 10 percent of Raw. Yet there were absolutely no consequences to it. It will never be mentioned again. Even Damien Sandow didn't mention it before he was squashed by Orton on SmackDown.

    What other television show would have so much time devoted to one segment and yet have it mean absolutely nothing to the overall narrative?

    And just to further show how ridiculous this was, Rhodes hasn't won a singles match in two months. And who was that Superstar he defeated? It was Zack Ryder.

    Besides that, Rhodes only won one other singles match all year. But not that it should matter or anything. 

No. 1: Domino's Knows Best

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    Are you an idiot?

    Do you know how to use a phone?

    How about the Internet? Are you familiar with that?

    Apparently WWE doesn't think so, as it not only needed to plug Domino's Pizza on its actual wrestling show, but it needed to demonstrate how to order online.

    Well, this Pizza Tracker system is a new-fangled idea, so at least it was informative right? Actually, that thing has been out for five years

    Maybe next week WWE could teach us how to order a pizza by showing us what the number buttons on our phones do. Or maybe, it could show us how to put the key in the ignition of our cars so we could actually drive there and pick it up in person. 

    And poor King, the man just wanted a pizza and had to wait all night for it! Then, when it came, Domino's somehow royally screwed up the delivery and instead of giving it to one man, they gave it to the 20 people behind him.

    Well, I guess I'm not ordering from them again! Are they just going to give my pizza to a bunch of hobos in the park?

    Also, just out of curiosity, what address did Jerry Lawler supposedly use when ordering? I don't think "announcer's table" would count as a valid entry.


    Well, that's all for this week! Agree? Disagree? What was your worst moment of the week? Sound off below, and thanks for reading!