Sonic napalm. Ugliness you can hear. An ear-nuking.
Sources are unclear as to why this woman was allowed to eviscerate the United States' most treasured song on national television before Sunday night’s game, but it’s possible that the wife of the Golden State Warriors' head coach Mark Jackson might have had an inside connection that helped her land the opportunity.
God knows it wasn’t her pipes that got her onto the floor at the Oracle Arena.
Desiree’s rendition begins low and haunting, really milking every word and channeling, and the end is all fireworks — fireworks accidentally lit by an electrical fire in a warehouse.
Desiree’s voice soars into an off-brand Mariah Carey falsetto, really working the soul and taking us all to church. Not one to leave the national anthem boring and normal, she also tacks on some extra lyrics to the end of the song, letting every record producer out there know she has some writing chops to back up the thunder dipped in honey that is her voice.
Unfortunately for all of us, the stadium announcer interrupted Desiree as she attempted to bring her lengthy Anthem Remix to an end and muffled the rest of the majesty. As one would expect, Twitter reviews of the rendition were sterling.
The Warriors have been charged 2 timeouts due to length of anthem by Desiree Coleman Jackson, coach Mark's wife.— Kevin Arnovitz (@kevinarnovitz) April 29, 2013
How much will the NBA fine Mark Jackson for not forewarning them about Desiree Coleman's singing?— Suzette Dominique (@suzinique) April 29, 2013
My ears can never forgive me after listening to Desiree Jackson sing the National Anthem.— Bansain Phanwar (@bansain) April 29, 2013
Indeed, it will take a lot of Adele and Creedence Clearwater Revival to convince your eardrums to grow back after this one.
If there is a silver lining here, it’s that her voice didn’t shatter into pieces like this guy.
That’s all for now on the terrible national anthem front; we'll update if we get a release date for a Desiree Jackson Christmas album.
Patriotism is destroying the national anthem with sunglasses on your head: Dr__Carson