Beer Bongs and Bitches: Business As Usual for Matt Leinart

Alternate Titles for this article:

The Art of Douchebaggery: An instructional video with Matt Leinart.

Spring Break 2008: Matty ‘n Nick’s Wild Ride

We’re going streaking!

Nick, check her ID.

Newsflash: Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart likes to drink beer with girls! OMFG stop the presses! And we’re upset about this?

Pictures were leaked to the media showing Leinart partying like it was 2004 with a gaggle of wasted looking ladies. Editorials following the release of the pics were spiked with “Time to grow up Matt!” and “You’re not in college anymore!”

Ken Whisenhunt chastised his star quarterback for his off field antics…Wait. Did I just write “star quarterback”? My bad. The only star around Matt Leinart is his boy Nick Lachey and the ex-98degree’r is D-list at best!

Leinart’s fist season in the NFL was sub-par. Chalk it up to nerves, the birth of his son, the weight of a Heisman win resting too heavily on his shoulders, and the separation from his No. 1 go-to-guy Reggie Bush.

Then there was last season’s collarbone injury that left Matty sidelined. This guy’s not a star quarterback yet, he’s borderline crap about to cross the border. No wonder he wants to relive his days at USC, he was something then.

The problem here isn’t that Leinart was getting hammered at his own home. Or that he was named starter for the Cards next season and he’s messing it up by partying (one has nothing to do with the other). Or that he didn’t invite Kurt Warner to the frat party. Or that he’s not a good role model, and a shitty parent, and causing baby mama drama with Brynn Cameron.

And speaking of Brynn Cameron, um Matt, you played for the TROJANS and you knocked up your college girlfriend. That’s some irony right there. Say it with me kids; Trojan: America’s #1 Brand of Condom, trusted for over 90 years. But I digress…

The first problem is he that he hangs out with Nick freakin’ Lachey. The only positive thing Nick Lachey ever did was groom Jessica Simpson into the Yoko Ono of Dallas which caused a shift in the universe and kinda sorta lead the Giants to…nevermind.

The second problem is that Leinart did not lead the Cardinals in a triumphant victory over the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII or that he’s never led the Cards to anything except the lineup at Burger King.

Let’s say, for arguments sake, that it was Steelers QB Ben Bacondoublecheeseburger who was photographed with a member of O-Town and a bunch o’ bitches. Would we be up in arms?

No, because Ben's already won him some sweet Super Bowl action.

If Matt doesn’t produce record numbers in Arizona next season then I’ll eat my words and call him out on his partying my damn self. Maybe have a beer or two with him in his hot tub in the process, you know, after it's been sanitized.

Leinart is being punished for being a bored, rich, ridiculously good looking 24-year-old. I’m not condoning his douchebag-esque behavior, or the drinking with underage freshmen—an episode of Law and Order SVU waiting to happen, seriously, check ID’s next time—but since he’s yet to prove to us why he was drafted in the NFL in the first place, let the man drink.

If Matt Leinart wants to party like he did back at USC, as long as he keeps his herpes under control and pays his child support, so be it. Until he pawns his Heisman for a new beer bong, we’ve got nothing to worry about.