Lingerie Football: Boom Or "Bust"?

Jon MossContributor IApril 23, 2009

Even in a country as dumbed-down and perverted as America, some ideas are best kept in someone's head. And this new Lingerie Football League, scheduled to begin play in September, is one of those ideas.

For those of you who are too busy to keep up with the latest developments of the "gridiron girls," the LFL, spawned from the "Lingerie Bowl" pay-per-views during Super Bowl halftimes, is a 10-team league (Eastern and Western Conferences, of course) which will play, you guessed it, one game a week during a season that will last from September through January.

Yes, that's one game a week. As in, only two teams. As in, each team will play once every 5 weeks. This makes the XFL looks like the greatest thing since sliced bread.

But don't worry, my in-the-dark brethren. You can visit the LFL's website for all the information you could possibly want about the league, its teams, and where you can watch them. And just so I don't sound hypocritical, as a University of Miami student you can rest assured that I will be in attendance at the Miami Caliente's home opener against the Charlotte Steam on Nov. 13.

So, let's recap here a little bit. This new Lingerie Football League will feature girls of moderate to admirable levels of attractiveness playing in bras and panties (with shoulder pads and helmets, of course, because we don't want to compromise the league's football integrity).

Games will consist of two 15-minute halves and will be played on a 50-yard field using customary football scoring systems. Teams will be allowed to have 7 players on the field at a time, and are allowed 12 total on the roster, meaning some women will have to play both offense and defense.

With that thought in mind, who's ready for the "Two-Way Toots of the Game?"

If that's not enticing enough, just think about the time you and your buddies will have watching these games and playing a game of LFL sponsored beer pong! 

At least the LFL isn't trying to cover itself up (literally or figuratively). In addition to endorsing this wholesome collegiate pastime, the league's mission statement—the MISSION STATEMENT—implores us that the it's goal is "To offer the ultimate fan experience providing unyielding access to players, teams and game action."

Can I PLEASE get an all-access show on Spike TV???