George W. Defends Rafael Nadal

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IApril 22, 2009

ARLINGTON, TX - APRIL 6:  Former President George W. Bush waves to the crowd before throwing out the ceremonial first pitch during the home opener of the Texas Rangers at Rangers Ballpark April 6, 2009 in Arlington, Texas.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

My fellow Americans (and those who may live outside of us)

I want to talk to you today about a young man with weapons of mass destruction.  His name is Rafael Nadal and he is not from Mehico...but from some far-away island near Hawaii called Mahorca.  Mahorca...sounds like when I need to clear my throat for a spittin competition.. .hehehehe

I've had many opponents in my political career.  I only wish that I could smash them into a smashed-up mash just like this Nadal does on the court. 

I've watched him on television.  I see the fear in the players that he plays against.  It is like being with Dick Cheney at the wrong end of his rifle..heheheheheh. 

Make no mistake about it, this Nadal fellow is not getting good press.  The terrorists are winning, my friends.  If you are not for him, you are against him.  He has just one thing to say to you when he plays - "Bring it MOOCHO on!!"

Now my former ambassador to Mehico, Mr. Vazqwezz has been saying my amigo Nadal is a victim of racism.  Well, I say in the words of our great president Ronald Reagan, "Mr. Nadal, tear down this tennis net!!"

Mr. Vazqwezz and I still want to build that wall from Mehico to keep racism out of this great land of ours.   We invite Mr. Nadal to join us in our quest.  Just be sure you bring your passport and a few borritoes...ehehehehe.

I know that Mr. Nadal is a Catholic and a Christian.  Raf's a good man. He is a CONSOLER.  He knows how to console someone after he mercilessly beats them into submission.  He's a consoling consoler consoling the unconsoled.

So, in closing, Mr. Nadal, we are with you amigo.  There are two people in this world - the terrorist and the Christian - there's also Christianized terrorists and terrorized Christians. 

Which one are you?  I am not at liberty to say. But know this, we will find you, we will seek you out and we will peacify you.  Support the consoling consoler!

Now if you will excuse me, Mr. Vazqwezz and I have a crusade to get to.  The book burning starts in half an hour and I don't wanna be late.  Oh yeah and "Vamoose, Rafa!!!"

I am George W. Bush and I approve of myself writing this letter.