The ABCs Of Smackdown

Will HowardCorrespondent IApril 22, 2009

This article is more for my own enjoyment. Maybe someone with take something from this, but probably not, so I have forewarned you.


A. Is for the "A-List" Superstar John Morrison. Just as he's on top of this list, by the end of the year he will be on top of Smackdown as the Heavyweight champ.

B. Is for the "Burn-out" or "Borderline" as is Jeff hardy's mental state for the 400th time in his life, 367 of the times have occurred while in the WWE

C. Is for "Candice Michelle," both in name and cup size. It's a 40 "C" but still a nice size.

D. Is for "Dirty, trash bag, bottom feeding wh*re," a favorite saying of the former Chris Jericho, which happens to best describe former GM Vickie Guerrero.

E. Is for "Edge" who will bring the title back to Smackdown, only to lose it to CM Punk. Also for "Eaton Lambert Syndrome:"

In this form of episodic muscular weakness, the muscles of the trunk, shoulders, and hips are the ones most affected. It is often associated with cancer-(See Vickie Guerrero); the most common one being oat cell carcinoma of the lung.

The course of this disorder is usually progressive to some degree. Males are affected more often than females.

F. Is for the rating of the Women's Division. Grade "F" on Smackdown. Candice is only going to make everyone else look bad.

G. Is for Gail Kim, probably the only thing keeping me from using the restroom during "Divas" matches.

H. Is for Hardy, well after June, it was for Hardy. With Matt on Raw and Jeff burned out, again, Smackdown is left without either of the brothers from Cameron,NC.

I. Is for the Intercontinental title, which Rey Mysterio has made me a fan of.

J. Is for Justin Roberts, the most under-appreciated, yet one of the most quality announcers, who spends his Fridays hanging out with the ring bell guys.

K. Is for Kane, who is probably retiring this year. He's probably the most under-rated big man in the history of the WWE, while statistically, he has the highest winning percentage in WWE history, according to Wikipedia.

L. Is for Long, Theodore R. Long. Teddy is a talent machine, first in signing MVP to Smackdown, then going to ECW and getting Jack Swagger and Tyson Kidd.

Note to CM Punk, John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler, and Mike Knox, learn everything you can from this man. He's managed, refereed, helped run a promotion, and been a GM. The guy is Midas and he makes things go gold.

M. Is for Michelle McCool, and Maria, and Melina, all of whom, along with Gail Kim, will need to step it up to make the "Divas" brand worth watching for more than bouncing chests.

N. Is for Naki, Kung Fu Naki, who for a while there was as funny as Santino. Man the WWe likes to exploit foreigners for S and G.

O. Is for Oh My God! Which is what you'll be saying when John Morrison and CM Punk square off.

P. Is for Punk, CM Punk, who should be holding the Heavyweight title within three weeks of this article.

Q. Is for Quality talent. Raw got the superstars in name only. Smackdown made the biggest gains by grabbing talent hungry to have their names in lights.

R. Is for R-Truth, cuz really, "That's What's Up!"

S. Is for the Six-One-Nine, Rey's area code and the reason why the IC title probably isn't going anywhere.

T. Is for Todd Grisham, he's like Michael cole, without the homosexual tendencies.

U. Is for the Undertaker, without a doubt in a class by himself

V. Is for Viagara, which is what anyone, outside of the Great Khali of course, would need is large quantities to maintain a stiffy while looking at Santina Marella.

W. Is for the World's Greatest Tag Team. Please put Benjamin and Haas back together, please, come on please!

X. Is for X-Rays, which probably wouldn't be a bad idea to get for Khali to search for a blood clot in his brain or something. God knows Santina looks like something my cat ate, then threw up, then ate again and buried in the litter box.

Y. Is for Y2J, because a countdown without Jericho just doesn't make sense.

Z. Is for Ziggler, his name is Dolph, that's probably all he wants you to know