Philadelphia Flyers Rant: Five Suggestions

John GehanCorrespondent IApril 21, 2009

PHILADELPHIA - APRIL 19: Ryan Parent #77 of the Philadelphia Flyers skates against of the Pittsburgh Penguins during Game Three of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinal Round of the 2009 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs  at the Wachovia Center on April 19, 2009 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Flyers won the game 6-3 to cut the Penguins lead in the series to two games to one.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

I know, I know...another Philadelphia fan jumping the bandwagon on his team. Actually, no!

Tonight the Philadelphia Flyers lost a game to a team that is INFERIOR! I don't care what anyone says, this team is below us! Every single bounce went the way of the Penguins. I swear, I hope, and hope...and hope, that things will change, that maybe the Phillies winning a World Series could end my Flyers' misery.

This is the same team I have been watching since I was too young to understand the game.

I have five suggestions for the Flyers (the team that I love and will never give up on):

1. Please, please, please, when you are scored on—at home, if ever—do not forget how to play hockey. Forgetting how to run a break-out and forgetting that you have an extra man on a power play is pivotal.

2. When shooting a puck on net, Fleury is going to save a puck shot directly at his chest. Let's be real here: Marc Andre Fleury is a decent goalie who saved 44 of 45 shots—40 of which were directly in the bread basket. Flyer-esque, we make good goalies look like gods.

3. The laws of physics are completely against us and hope might be on the brink of lost-ville. I am not giving up on my team, down 3-1, but when you hit 10 posts in four games, some inexplicable power is in control. I have NEVER seen more bounces go the way of a team than I have for the Penguins. Maybe Gary Bettman has a "Space Jam" remote.

4. This just in, when you win games. Why do you have to score to learn how to take the body? Comparisons to the "Broadstreet Bullies," I would compare the Flyers—when down—to the Care Bears.

5. Some more breaking news...this just in to Disgruntled Fan Central: I am in State College, PA and am cheering my ass off for these guys—and I live with two Penguins fans, so it's battle-tested. Why the hell (pardon my Russian) can't you fans get into a game? Don't you realize that your team needs you to be loud and a 2-0 lead is child's play for this high-powered offense? I am over here pulling my hair out and you're paying $200 a seat to disgrace my!

Three things I hate to say:

I hate to sound like I'm bashing my "Bromance Crush," but come on, this is getting a little ridiculous.

I hate to say that this series is over.

BUT I hate to say that I will never give up on this team. I picked them to challenge for the cup this year because they have a great team...I just don't get it.

P.S. I don't care if he scored, PLEASE take Daniel Carcillo off the roster! Either that, or dress every goon we have and give least that will put half the Penguin's squad in body casts—not that it will do much for us, like usual. The Broadstreet Bullies found a way to win—they weren't just goons.