By now your bracket is complete and utter shambles. There’s far more red than green on this once former proud piece of paper, and college basketball’s postseason has once again conquered.
And then there were four.
March Madness has gone from 68 to the Final Four, and the postseason is now just a few games away from completion. This means, of course, that our 64-team college football bracket is also nearing a conclusion.
If you’re just turning in for the first time, here’s the skinny: we created a hypothetical 64-team college football bracket based off the results of the 2012 season. We seeded teams appropriately in each of the four regions, although we didn’t stop there.
Using the results from the bracket you hold in your very hand, we moved seeds through our bracket to match the progress of college basketball’s extravaganza. That piece of paper you’re still clinging onto—the one that looked so good from the start—matches our bracket in terms of seeds that progressed. Again, don’t direct your anger here, although you can if you please, blame the disappointing hardwood culprits.
Also, we changed the names of the regions late in the game, because these new names just felt, well, more appropriate.
The result is this, a hypothetical college football concoction that has made its way down to our Final “Football” Four.
What does it all mean? Well, we could stop here with this hypothetical and move on, but that would be far too easy.
And although we will never have a 64-team playoff—and 16 would probably be excessive anyway—we’re breaking down this hypothetical exercise regardless.
Fat Guy TD Region
We kick things off with our favorite location, which just happens to be Large Men Awkwardly and Slowly Scoring Touchdowns, USA. Fat Guy Touchdowns are our favorite things, which is why they have their own region. If it were up to us, they’d sponsor the event.
As for the particular region, to the surprise of absolutely no one Alabama indeed makes it through. The Tide can thank the very talented Louisville Cardinals for this, the lone No. 1 seed to sneak through unscathed. Alabama had to sneak pass Florida to get there, an all-SEC Elite Eight affair that went in Nick Saban’s favor.
Forget about simply being alive, Alabama is also the favorite to win the tournament.
With BCS and recruiting national championships stashed away in the archive, Nick Saban is ready to start winning hypothetical titles now.
That’s actually pretty much terrifying and somehow appropriate.
Of course we’re naming a bracket after Jon Gruden, and I don’t feel like this requires much of an explanation. Just imagine him saying, ‘THIS BRACKET RIGHT HERE IS PRETTY DARN TALENTED” and somehow it’ll all make sense in this bizarro imaginary exercise.
Playing the role of Wichita State in our football bracket is none other than TCU. Yes, a No. 9 seed somehow found a way to make it all the way to this elusive group, and a Horned Frog appearance feels more than fitting as an upset special.
Although I am awfully high in TCU in 2013, it would have taken one hell of an effort from the 2012 Horned Frogs to sneak their way past this group. Also, I imagine that Gary Patterson pulled his pants up in that familiar sideline move a few hundred times en route to the Football Four.
We’ll see if that’s good enough against ‘Bama.
Yes, we named a bracket after college football’s ultimate wild card. Consider this our offseason gesture of goodwill in hopes that they will all somehow learn how to not be rather horrible in the next few months.
You deserve it, guys. Now, please stop butchering 25-yard field goals (note: they won’t).
As for a team coming out, the connection seems rather perfect. LSU and Les Miles are Final Four-bound thanks to Michigan’s impressive run. I can only assume that Miles is now thinking long and hard about the Michigan job again after being absolutely captivated by the hypothetical. And by Michigan job, I'm talking, of course, about the basketball head coaching position because this is Les Miles after all.
Florida State’s run in our 64-team bracket fell just short. But have no fear, we will all make them favorites to win the tournament next year and the preseason hype cycle will live on.
Alabama-LSU, Game of the Century of the Millennium of the Year: Part 17 remains a possibility.
Why BBQ? I’m sorry, did you seriously just ask that? Are you running a fever?
We thought long and hard about renaming this the Tailgate Region but BBQ just felt right. Plus, it adds a much-needed element of delicious food to our bracket.
As for our hypothetical, everything is coming up Louisville.
The ACC connection is strong here. Louisville, led by the magical Teddy Bridgewater, advances to tournament after taking out Notre Dame and Clemson in consecutive rounds. Oh, and they can thank the superb play of Syracuse in basketball’s main event for this run.
Both will head to the ACC next year, and isn’t that just adorable? I noticed you Big East folks in the back are not exactly thinking this is adorable, which is understandable. Also, what should we call you guys now?
Just let us know when you know.
That’s all for now. In the meantime, you might want to perfect those “Roll Tide” chants once again, just in case.