IPL-2: Will Someone Bring On the Real Crowd, Please?!

Krishna KumarContributor IApril 19, 2009

Bakhtin would certainly have mused at the intellectual audacity of whoever named the IPL 2 a carnival. It certainly is not carnivalistic. Someone bring on the real crowd, please! Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up?

As the IPL 2 bandwagon rolled out on stage yesterday, this was the thought that came to mind at the end of the first over: It still is not IPL.

For one, surely missing were the fans, the provincial element, and the parochiality of it all that makes up for the atmosphere, the din, the noise, the crash of cymbals, the fanfare, the cheer girls from our own climes...and that distinct clamour an average Indian fan brings on as he frantically gushes and blushes upon sudden recognition that he is being covered by the TV cameras and the thought that he is for that one instant the cynosure of the world cricket watchers' eyes!

Oh, the lack of it all! Alas...what boots it incessant care, as Tennyson's Ulysses says.

How do you expect a Natal Ninja to understand and empathise with the Chennai Super Kings chennaiite fan? Or perhaps the IPL people must have attached a local hyphenation to the Indian teams—CSK-Cape Town Comrades or RCB-Kwazulu Natal Combine, etc., etc...

If Lalit "the commissioner" Modi thought—wisely, too—that England would be a bad idea to host IPL 2 (1.) because the English are not noisy and IPL thrives on the hoopla around it and; 2.) the English would be saturated with cricket by the time IPL bandwagon bids farewell and T20 World Championship starts the very next day) he was right.

If he thought the South Africans with a native culture and the Zulu beats would add bindhaas to the IPL 2, he surely went wrong.

The local Indians couldn't match the Indians in India and the local South Africans 1.) didn't have any empathy for the teams and, 2.) are still white skins and for that matter too confined by their genteel roots.

I won't be surprised if during the Knight Riders match, SRK invades the pitch or shouts and whistles with fingers in his mouth some voice comes over the PA system: "Quiet Please. Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen!"

IPL-Moditva has got the moolahs right, not the hooplas! And what oh what oh what has Mandira the Extraaaaaaaaa Bedi done to her hair? I couldn't recognise the midget (in comparison) next to Simon Doull on TV before the match yesterday.

This IPL is so phoney, I would like to call it Indian Phoney League.

Bring on the real crowd, please!