The All Fat All-Stars: A Tribute to Bartolo Colon

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The All Fat All-Stars: A Tribute to Bartolo Colon
(Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

In Honor of Bartolo Colon's game against the Tampa Bay Rays tonight, I would like to present "The All Fat All-Stars:"

C: Dioner "Fast As a Brick Wall" Navarro (5'9"and 210 pounds) and Brayan "Why Can't I be called Pudge?" Pena (5'11"and 245 pounds)


1B: Dmitri "Bigger Than Your Nose Tackle" Young (6'2" and 300 pounds) and Prince "Maybe if I Go Vegan, No One Will Notice I'm So Fat" Fielder (5'11" and 270 pounds)


2B: Ronnie "Fatty McButterpants" Belliard (5'10" and 215 pounds)


SS: Jhonny "Don't confuse me with Ronnie Belliard" Peralta (6'1" and 210 pounds)


3B: Joel "I Got Too Fat to Play Shortstop" Guzman (6'5" and 260 pounds)


OF: Matt "I Have an Athletic Build for a Bowler" Stairs (5'9" and 210 pounds)


OF: Andruw "Two Ton" Jones (6'1" and 250 pounds)


OF: Jack "Please Let Me Hit a Home Run or Strike Out Because There Is No Way I Can Run to First" Cust (6'1" and 240 pounds)


SP: "Planet" Bartolo Colon (5'11" and 255 pounds), Sidney "Beer Gut" Ponson (6'1" and 260 pounds), and Joe "Get in My Belly" Blanton (6'3" and 257 pounds)


RP: "The Walking Cholesterol Bomb" Ray King (6'0" and 250 pounds) and Bobby "Buffet or Bust" Jenks (6'3" and 275 pounds)

Feel free to add or change anyone, as you see fit. Or you can just tell me what a terrible person I am.

Remember these are the portliest of the portly. Not just the heaviest.

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